Your struggle is not your progress..

We can’t stop yearning and desiring more in life. It’s our once given life.well people label and judge us according to their mentality. I usually say your struggle is not your progress, go ahead, find out what you want and live life according to your own close to nature ways. No need to stop here if we are pleasure seeking people, then God has given us lots of chances to get to the point where you can get the chance for doing more.
People generally take a rosy-glassed approach in perceiving themselves and that people who are more likely to show such self-enhancement in their self-perceptions are on a track for success in multiple domains.
In reality, we can only control so much of what happens in our worlds. But people vary in terms of how much they tend to think they have control—regardless of whether they actually have it. People who think they have a little more control than is actually warranted are at a dramatically reduced risk for depression.Humans don’t live in vacuums. We live in specific social circles. We have others who comprise our primary support group—often our spouse, family, and close friends. People often extend the self-relevant biases. For instance, people tend to over-idealize their partners. In fact, over-idealizing one’s romantic partner is a huge predictor of relationship success and satisfaction. Give others in your life the benefit of the doubt, and put on some rosy glasses when looking at them!
I’ve written about this feeling many times: the sense that nothing that you do really has any effect on the what is happening in your life. I’ve experienced it many times as well…
I believe,
Learned helplessness is associated with depression. It describes that quality of depression where you retreat to you bed and just give up on trying to impact the world. You give up your agency, sense of purpose, and feeling of hope and find yourself deep in a hole. Once you are down that deep, it is hard to dig your way out of it—especially if you don’t even try to dig. So learned helplessness can maintain depression.
And now come to the point of defensive mental mechanisms.
When we don’t want anything, you know what? It’s another form of reaction to blocked sense of self due to underlying issues.
You are a complex person with many interests. And those interests will evolve and change over time. And that is okay.
So the first step to finding your passion when you feel like you have none is to recognize that you are a person of many passions and interests. Some big, some small, and some that change as you change. And the second step to this whole passion mystery is to relax. This is a process that shouldn’t feel stressful, instead it should be something interesting and exciting because there is no one right answer.
Sometimes the voice in your head saying: “there’s nothing out there for you” will slow you down. You’ll get stuck being worried about a lack of progress and could end up back down in the gutter, fearful that nothing is ever going to change.

But that thinking is what got you here in the first place, right?

So instead of listening to those voices, take a moment to show them the door. When you feel like saying: “There’s no passion for me” – instead think: “I have a lot of passions, and I’m enjoying exploring what I want to do .Remember, you don’t know what’s coming next. Life is full of interesting twists and turns, but if we continually pursue things that we enjoy doing whether for a job or hobby, it will make the journey interesting and more fun.



Boundaries in psychotherapy.

A boundary in psychotherapy is much like a boundary on a piece of land. It’s a line that both people recognize and honor. It’s a line that says where the relationship begins and ends. It sets the therapist apart from other people in your life.

There are really good reasons why your therapist can’t be your friend and still be your therapist. The therapeutic relationship is different by design. It’s an important difference in that professional boundaries are in place and should remain that are really good reasons why your therapist can’t be your friend and still be your therapist. The therapeutic relationship is different by design. It’s an important difference in that professional boundaries are in place and should remain that way.Different models for therapy and different disciplines have different ideas about what the boundary closes in and closes out. Different therapists operate according to their training and their own ideas of what it means to “bind” the relationship. It’s why some therapists offer you tea and others don’t; why some therapists end sessions with a hug and others don’t even shake hands; why some will stop and chat in the aisle of the grocery store and others aren’t approachable; why some therapists will allow going over time during a client’s crisis and others feel it’s important to keep a strict end time.

But regardless of the specifics, therapists generally agree that defined boundaries provide safety for both the client and the therapist by clearly establishing a structure for the relationship that is consistent, reliable and predictable. The intent is to ensure that what happens in session is for the client’s benefit, not the therapists. Every discussion topic and interaction is as deliberate as possible and intended to move the client to his or her therapeutic goals.

Please its important for you to ask your therapist about responsible for making boundaries clear at the outset of your work together. Basics like when and where you will meet, fees, consequences for you not showing up for an appointment, and expectations for in office vs. out of office contact should be spelled out clearly. He or she should carefully explain the rules of confidentiality so there can be no misunderstanding about who has access to information from your sessions and what would trigger notification of authorities.

By maintaining professionalism, the therapist keeps your relationship clear. There is much less danger that you will misunderstand concern for your safety for personal, even romantic, interest. It lets you explore your feelings, even possible romantic or sexual feelings, without fear that the therapist will cross the line. Sometimes this is crucial to healing, especially if your issues include dealing with past abuse.

As a psychologist let me tell you another thing,sometimes therapists bend their own rules. A therapist may insist that all therapy happen in the office, for example, but decide to take a walk around the block with an antsy teenager who just can’t sit comfortably with an adult. Or he might go outside with an agoraphobic client as part of a desensitization process. Another therapist might make an exception when someone is in a hospital or home bound due to injury. Still another might not generally accept invitations to go to a client’s milestone events (wedding, funeral, graduation) but may make a careful decision to break that rule when it would be helpful to the client.

The important factor in making a decision to cross a boundary is the mutual judgment that it is clearly for the client’s benefit. The meaning of the crossing needs to be carefully discussed in session.

Crossing a boundary to serve the client is different from violating a boundary to serve the therapist’s needs. If a therapist exploits his or her power over the client to gratify his own sexual, financial or ego needs, it’s a violation of the boundary.

Calling and accepting calls that are primarily social in nature, or using the client’s time to vent about the therapist’s issues isn’t OK. Responding to a client’s requests, even insistence, that they meet informally or socially is a more subtle yet important violation. It confuses the relationship and makes it difficult for the client to trust or to do this or her therapeutic work. Crossing is sometimes advisable. Violating is inexcusable.

Your therapist should be kind, compassionate and understanding. But she should not be using your hour to deal with her own feelings, issues, successes and failures. Stay focused. Your therapy session should only be used to help relieve your symptoms and to help you learn how to manage your life in new ways that are more effective.

Interacting with clients out of the office has traditionally been placed under the broad umbrella of dual relationships. A dual relationship in psychotherapy occurs when the therapist, in addition to his or her therapeutic role, is in another relationship with his or her patient. Since the early nineties, the ethical codes of the American Psychological Association (APA) (1992) and all other major professional associations no longer impose a strict and uniform ban on dual relationships. Instead, the changed codes acknowledge that dual relationships may not always be avoidable or unethical. While the absolute ban has been lifted, the belief in the prohibition is still prevalent (Faulkner & Faulkner, 1997; Gutheil & Gabbard, 1993; Strasburger, et al., 1992). The revised code of ethics calls on therapists to avoid dual relationships only, ” . . . if it appears likely that such a relationship reasonably might impair the psychologist’s objectivity or otherwise interfere with the psychologist’s effectively performing his or her function as a psychologist, or might harm or exploit the other party.” (APA, 1992, p.1601)


Never ending process.

Trying to figure out who you are seems relatively straightforward. After all, no one spends more time around you than you. But answering the #question of how well you know yourself is actually really tricky.Getting to know yourself means understanding your behavior and responses to certain situations. That’s why experiences are so good at helping you understand who you are. The benefits of figuring out who you are through experiences doesn’t end with self-discovery. Sometimes what you expect you’d do and what you actually do are completely different. But that can be a really good thing. Sometimes you can surprise yourself in how well you’ve done something. And that feeling is simply amazing. I am much deeper and complex than I probably realize. Human emotions and behaviors can’t always be explained away in a few sentences. It’s a never-ending process. And ultimately, it takes a lifetime.Anything that gets you in a relaxed, but active state of mind will work well as in my case to probe yourself. This is the ideal state to learn about yourself.Fortunately, there are some great ways to get to know yourself better. One of the better ways is to spend time alone with your thoughts. As a human being, you’re constantly going through character changes. I’ll try to explain this without getting too philosophical about it. Imagine all the things you did and liked when you were five years old. More than likely there is a long list of differences between who you were then and who you are now. In my opinion confidence and #reliance are at the heart of finding yourself. If you don’t have a solid sense of self-worth, you’ll listen to what others have to say all the time and to be swayed by their insistence on what is wrong, right, and appropriate. Learn to believe in yourself and trust your own feelings. Then, you’ll come up with a structure to base your new sense of self on. Remember, be patient with yourself and confident in your abilities as I do and tell to do. Everything will come with time. To sum up..I always try to be conscious of myself in thoughts, beliefs, feelings,words, actions and responses to others.,in different situations.Sometimes I really succeed.


Primarily numb.

Sometimes we really don’t want to exhaust ourselves with extra burdens of negative or even positive emotions. In some cases it could be like a psychological defense so as to absorb the reality, means any events or something that arouses emotions to occupy your mental absorbing time. Whereas usually people just bottle up their emotions.One scenario that causes people to feel depressed without feeling sad is when depression causes them to feel primarily numb. They don’t feel sad, angry, joyful, or really anything at all. They may feel an amorphous misery, but no specific emotion.



TWO areas of choice.

It is important to distinguish between two areas of choice.. The inner and outer choices. The inner choice is usually made before you are confronted with a situation that demands a response. You can ask yourself. Will I respond in that particular situation as me without any self defeating behaviors or will I undermine myself by not responding as my best and most complete self? This inner choice is connected to daring to be completely your best in a moment of living.

Once the inner choice is made, the stage is set for outer choices which are needed to carry out the inner decision.If the inner decision is this that you won’t check your ability or intelligence you have to make the decisions to put the tasks aside or off. Your inner judgement tells you how to survive and for that how to manipulate others to reach to the desirable destination. If your inner choice is not as attractive as it should be then for sure your outer choices will put excessive pressures on you and you can find yourself with hostility. And you will depend on the judgments of others.

You don’t arrive where you inner choice by its outer manifestation the results each time the behavioral cycle is repeated. You do not arrive where you by chance you get there by a series of choices.

If you continuously defeat yourself in areas that require you to use your intelligence your inner choice may be to avoid seeing how intelligent you are.

Using behaviors to withdraw and avoid testing your adequacy to get along with others you have to see how good and bad concepts and ideas you have.By depending on the ideas of others you won’t assess yourself properly. So work on inner choices repeatedly and then also testify in outer choices.



Empathy …

Brain scientist, Simon Baron-Cohen, has been doing research on brain differences for many years. In his book, The Essential Difference: The Truth About the Male & Female Brain, he states flatly that “The female brain is predominantly hard-wired for empathy. The male brain is predominantly hard-wired for understanding and building systems.” This may seem like a disturbing view since empathy is so important in our pursuit of love and success in life. Men may be equally empathic as women, but express it differently.
Simon Baron-Cohen suggests that, on average, the male brain is not hard-wired for empathy. But that may be the result of equating empathy with tuning into another person’s feeling state. Men may empathize differently than women. Researchers in the empathy field describe two types of empathy. One type is called affective empathy and involves a shared emotional response that women may be better at achieving. The other type is called cognitive empathy and involves being able to see the world through the perspective of the other. Men may be better able to access this type of empathy.



Opposite action 

This is useful for is when you are sad and you don’t want to go out with your friends. While this is a completely natural feeling, sometimes it is better to drag yourself out with your friends anyway – do the opposite action. Often you end up feeling glad that you did, even if at first you were hesitant about it.

zaira khan