Some people hide their genuine feelings, leaving us to guess about how they feel or what they want. It’s difficult to connect with people who are not sincere and direct. We may choke on their sweetness when it’s not linked with authenticity.
However, the attempt to be real without the softening ingredient of kindness can quickly morph into brutality. Kind communication is a powerful force. Being aware of our feelings and wants and conveying them in a kind way is more likely to be well-received.
Human hearts are tender. People become less defensive and more receptive when we communicate our feelings, not only genuinely, but with a gentleness that takes to heart how vulnerable we all are.
It’s more like congruence if we stop before saying and doing that are we really being honest to ourselves, if we are not then take out time from your routine to work on your self awareness. The opposites cant persist long. Don’t be with self deception and don’t play with others by deceiving. Develop cognitive skills to combat with cognitive dissonance.
At the heart of pain are the unspoken #truths we hold deep inside-truths about what happened to us in our past, and our beliefs and feelings about those truths. Every experience that we don’t accept and fully process becomes an energy that gets trapped inside. But the truth is a force of tremendous magnitude, and sooner or later it will push its way to the surface, manifesting as ill health, dysfunctional relationships, or financial problems. I would venture to say that underneath every dysfunction is some truth trying to be revealed.
I always believe that when parents are not ready to handle a child,they must not have a child until they feel like being able to take the toughest responsibility of raising a child. Have you noticed that many social, financial, economical,psychological,familial,societal etc problems are due to the absence of the anchor of identity.. The father.
Children growing up without the presence and support of the father are for sure tremendously with shame and sadness.Lately one of my anxiety patients said, “My father didn’t love me. I never spoke that deep, dark secret, but it was always festering inside of me. It manifested itself in many ways throughout my life as I struggled with a food obsession, low self-esteem, social anxiety, and depression.”
Whether a dad is present but rejecting or walked away from his fatherly duties entirely, his absence for sure leaves an indelible mark on a child’s psyche as he/she grows into adulthood.Researches say children who grew up with fathers who didn’t love them usually in their adolescence start blaming themselves and become less involved in their lives. When they aren’t given an explanation about why dad left, they make up their own scenario and jump to the conclusion that it’s their fault and that they’re unlovable.
This is especially true for daughters. Countless studies have shown that fatherlessness has an extremely negative impact on daughters’ self esteem. Her confidence in her own abilities and value as a human being can be greatly diminished if her father isn’t there. Academically, personally, professionally, physically, socially, and romantically, a woman’s self esteem is diminished in every setting if she did not form a healthy relationship with her dad.
People who grew up with absent dads find it difficult to form lasting relationships. Because they were scarred by their dad’s rejection of them, they don’t want to risk getting hurt again. Consciously or unconsciously, they avoid getting close to people. They may form superficial relationships in which they reveal little of themselves and put very little effort into getting to know others. They may become promiscuous as a way of getting attention without becoming too emotionally involved.
They start building up the walls around themselves.They don’t open up to people. They avoid asking questions from others about their families, jobs, or hobbies. They want to keep their life private, and want to socially isolate. These are all self-protective measures so as the result of experiencing rejection from fathers.Intellectually such a reaction has nothing to help them change their behavior because obviously the fear of rejection is more powerful than a person’s desire to make connections and exceed further in developing healthy useful relationships.
When we open up and share our journey, we help both ourselves and each other. Whether we feel the loss of a dad through death, divorce, drug addiction, estrangement, or emotional neglect, we must grieve in order to move forward. So it’s true that some mistakes or losses of others in our lives deprive us from being a good functioning human. But if you have an insight into the situation of what actually is the case with you, then for sure you are capable of dealing with the desired process of being able to be loved and cared enough to extend your love and care to your offsprings.
For me love is the great force in relationships. The family is a place where the dynamics of love between a man and a woman work themselves out in the real world. Commitment, faithfulness, forgiveness, discipline, belief – all these and more play out in front of a child’s eyes. Without a dad, this very important part of the function of a family simply is not there to instruct children. Not having a father present in the home is a huge loss in that regard.But always remember that we can’t always have ideal situations with ideal relationships. Acceptance and moving on is the solution of our many emotional problems. When it’s gone, it’s gone. And it will never be the same, no matter what you do. And this, in a real psychological sense, destroys a small piece of you. A piece that must eventually be rebuilt.
There is time-honored wisdom that can help you move through it.Only learn about your capacity to handle things by moving through them,dont try to stifle or avoid your feelings, they can come on that much stronger when something triggers them.Making space to experience painful emotions allows us to practice our resilience and grow our own internal resources.Allow yourself to feel whatever it is you feel: anger, sadness, even relief. But accept and face with full courage and explore new ways to absorb at present available happy relationships and moments. Mark my words no one in this world is having grief /sadness free life.Learn about your capacity to handle things by moving through them.
The greatest feeling is that you feel that you are in relative peace. To acknowledge this feeling a person needs awareness and understanding of his own self. But if the negative thoughts are trapping you then for sure you are with the real approach towards life and becoming anxious, which cannot be avoided . And someway you are capable of dealing with it in now for future. You know it is the fear of that which probably will never happen or possibly happen. Thats the eternal truth that nothing lasts for ever, and this one reality keeps us motivated to tangle up on things that we think can gurantee little bit of ever or feeling of lasting . The truth is no, nothing is forever but the feeling in now and retrospect of that feeling makes the difference. We are happy because of our approach now onwards. Enjoy the moment, be grateful of the sources for these feelings.. And don’t let your self sway away with the other negative things in your mind that are also existing but are sure with doubt.
All negative thoughts are not bad. Being alert can help you survive but most negative thoughts are useless. They only create imaginary drama in your mind.
Train your mind to think about what you want in life, and avoid thinking about what you don’t want. Negative thinking drains your energy and is counterproductive; that is why fear is so destructive and why despair and hopelessness must be avoided. They work in the opposite way that Mind Power does.
So how do we eliminate this negative thinking? The first step is to recognize the importance of eliminating negative thoughts, and the second step is to be aware when negatives are happening to us.
You can’t avoid negative thinking entirely. Sometimes negative thoughts just pop into our mind. When this happens, we must be aware, so that we immediately recognize when we are thinking negatively. A thought has no power other than what you give it. Negative thoughts gain momentum when you think them over and over again. So stop thinking them.
The key is to catch the negatives before they have time to become entrenched. With practice you will notice right away when you are thinking negatives, and you then can take the appropriate actions. The mind is a creature of habit, so encourage positive thoughts and eliminate negative ones.
It’s important to recognize and accept, not deny and suppress, whatever difficult emotion or depressed state we’re encountering. It’s an acquired habit to welcome negativity and understand that it is an expression of an unmet need, but self-acceptance is the first step toward meeting that unmet need or grieving that loss you never allowed yourself to grieve.
Always try to be very clear about your self in different situations and instead of denying that who you are accept it and see what happens? Your happiness with self will change the world inside your head.