Is it weird to hate small talk?

how-to-start-conversation-with-a-girl.jpgI don’t think,its weird. Small talk forces you to read other people’s boundaries.Humans are social beings: We crave connections.

Because small talk is where it all begins—and if you want to get somewhere, it helps, we’re told, to start at the beginning. Small talk is a gift rarely found in nature or the financial markets: It is a free option—that is, an investment with no initial cost, no risk (other than a temporarily bruised ego) and unlimited upside. Small talk can lead to a host of outcomes, from a merely pleasant exchange to the signing of multimillion-dollar business deal. When a free option comes along, you take it—every time.People like people who are generous (and confident) enough to engage them. Small talk isn’t just about being gregarious or entertaining—it’s a gesture of respect.

Small Talk is important because it is spontaneous.Small talk is important because it “makes you smarter”:A study at the University of Michigan shows that companionable interactions, like small talk, can increase our problem-solving abilities. Oscar Ybarra, a psychologist at the University of Michigan, explains “Some social interactions induce people to try to read others’ minds and take their perspectives on things.

“Small Talk is important because it will “open your eyes”:Small talk Can help you be attentive. you pay attention. Some call it, “living in the present” while Brent Nelson considers it “putting down your stupid smart phone long enough to have a conversation with a human being in three dimensions.”

We are so conditioned to view social behavior as an absolute good that avoiding small talk is considered rude. This is part of something I call “the tyranny of extroverts,” a set of expected behaviors that are assumed to be superior, simply because they are louder or more visible. As someone who despises small talk, I’d like to debunk the myth that it is necessary or even useful.

If you hate small talk, why would you have friends who expect you to talk to them this way? Wouldn’t you be better off associating with people who appreciate more enlightening conversations? Or at least conversations that are humorous, clever, or in some way useful? I understand the importance of just being there for them when they need someone to talk to, it’s part of being a good friend, but if their small talk is consistently a chore, it’s probably time to upgrade your social circle.

Perhaps the reason so many people find small talk tedious is simply that they’re bad at it.Some social interactions induce people to try to read others’ minds and take their perspective on things.Small talk makes you pay attention. Yoga types call it “living in the present.” I call it “putting down your stupid smart phone long enough to have a conversation with a human being in three dimensions.” Whatever you call it, it’s a good thing.

A small psychology study a few years ago found that people who spent more time in “substantive” conversations were happier than those who wasted their time on lighter fare. When researchers recorded snippets of conversations over the course of several days, the happiest person in the study engaged in only a third of the amount of small talk as the unhappiest. But there’s other evidence that small talk is salubrious, since social interaction seems to decrease stress. As one recent paper’s subtitle has it, “Minimal social interactions lead to belonging and positive affects.”

A small talk for introverts are quite dreadful..they cant carry on with superficial talks. As a psychologist I believe that we are combinations of different traits,so we can still have the ability to learn and relearn new adaptable behaviours.

Listen for anything that might lead you into a different direction. Pick up on specific words that the person uses and that will lead to a deeper conversation. Keep your ears tuned to words that will clue you into what the person is interested in.

Empathizing words are short statements like “I can see that you” or “I can understand you feeling that way” or “It must have been…”Keep the focus on them.If you sense someone enjoys their work – then ask them about it.Ask, “What do you enjoy doing?”Look at the body language and take note if they are ready to talk.Match their mood for a moment Ask open ended questions. For example: Why did you move to this area? Tell me about your trip. What is your work day like? What inspired you to go into your field?

As the conversation evolves then you can ask background or roots, upbring where they grew up or grade school. Occupation, hobbies, etc.Ask What they enjoy doing on weekends.Greet people by silently thinking “Hello Old Friend” and think acronym SOFTENER

Listen for anything that might lead you into a different direction. Pick up on specific words that the person uses and that will lead to a deeper conversation. Keep your ears tuned to words that will clue you into what the person is interested in.

But I think small talk can also be edifying in its silliness, and a pleasure too. Small talk is fun precisely for the reasons Boomer thinks it’s boring: It requires playing within the lines. Using sports, weather, family, and other unremarkable raw material, the skilled conversationalist spins it into gold—or at least cotton candy. In a way, making small talk is like writing a sonnet. It’s the restrictions of the form that make the best examples of it beautiful. Perhaps the reason so many people find it tedious is simply that they’re bad at it.

Big talk, weird talk, deep talk, smart talk—pick your preferred opposite-of-small talk, and there’s room for plenty of it in the conversational repertoire. When it happens serendipitous, it’s one of life’s great joys, and certainly more memorable than hows-the-weatherisms. But small talk will always be with us, because it’s the solid ground of shared culture. The more divided a people—culturally, politically, economically—the fewer conversational topics we can share. The more productivity-obsessed, the less time for old-fashioned pleasures. And that means small talk is no small thing at all.

Dunn’s findings arguably complement research released in 2013 by Andrew Steptoe of University College London.Dunn believes that people who reach out to strangers feel a significantly greater sense of belonging, a bond with others.

Carducci believes nurturing this sense of community starts with small talk. “Small talk is the cornerstone of civility,” he says. “When you connect with people through conversation, you’re much less likely to mistreat them or be mistreated by them.”

550px-Talk-to-a-Girl-You-Like-for-the-First-Time-Step-3

Zaira Khan.

Save

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s