Tears of children.. 




Tears are produced by tear glands, which are small glands inside our upper eyelid. Tears keep the surface of our eyeball clean and moist, and help protect our eye from damage.

When we blink, our eyelids spread the tears over the surface of the eye. Sometimes tears flow over our lower eyelid, but mostly the tears flow down a tiny tube at the edge of our lower eyelid, next to our nose – if we look very carefully we can see a tiny dot that is the beginning of this tube. This tube carries the tears to the back of our nose (and this is why your nose ‘runs’ when we cry!)

Therapists assume that crying is an important and necessary part of the grieving and recovery process. John Bowlby, the father of attachment theory, pointed out that failure to accept a child’s painful emotions can have negative consequences. He claimed that children should be allowed to express their grief openly by crying during situations of separation or loss. He also felt that children should be allowed to express anger at their parents. The result of all this contradictory advice is that parents often wonder what to do when children cry or rage. Should they comfort, ignore, distract, punish, “give in” or listen emphatically.

Children cry spontaneously after having experienced any kind of stress or trauma. Their tears come out even if they dont want to show their tears to anyone.The more stress there is in a child’s life, the greater will be the need to cry. There are many sources of stress in children’s lives. Illnesses, injuries, and hospitalization are cause for pain, confusion, and anxiety. Quarreling, separation, or divorce of a child’s parents can be confusing and terrifying, as can the presence of a parent’s new partner or a stepparent. Children’s growing awareness of violence, death, and war can be sources of fear and confusion. Stress can result from a move to a new home, starting a new school, or the birth of a sibling. So the easiest reaction for a child is to cry,but as parents always tell them that weak kids cry,be brave dont cry otherwise you will be punished etc.All these statements cant help a child to naturally control his /her emotions specially tears related.

The need to cry gradually builds up until the child feels an urge for release. At that point, almost anything will trigger the tears

Because of this, sometimes the reason for the child’s crying is not immediately evident, and the outburst appears to be unjustified by the current situation. For example, a little boy’s water gun breaks and he throws himself into a crying fit. Moments like these can be extremely exasperating for parents, but is the child really “spoiled” and “manipulative” as some people would claim?

There is another way of looking at the situation. When a child acts in this manner, he may be using the pretext of the broken water gun to release pent-up feelings of grief or anger resulting from an accumulation of stress and anxiety. Children do not cry indefinitely. They stop of their own accord when they are finished. After crying, there is a usually a feeling of relief and well being. The incident that triggered the crying is no longer an issue, and the child usually becomes happy and cooperative.

Parents naturally want their children to be happy, and feel it is their job to make their children happy, often failing to realize that happiness will return spontaneously after the crying outburst has run its course. Many parents quickly lose confidence and feel they are incompetent when their children cry. It helps to remember that when children cry, the hurt has usually already happened.

I want to inform parents that a child’s tears are not an indication of an incompetent parent. On the contrary, crying indicates that the child feels safe enough to bring up painful feelings, and is not afraid of being rejected.

Some children are more sensitive than others and are easily upset by over stimulation or changes in routine. A calm and predictable environment with gentle transitions can be reassuring to children who become easily overwhelmed.tears and tantrums are built-in healing mechanisms that help children overcome the effects of stress and trauma. Acceptance of strong emotions is an essential ingredient in unconditional love and healthy attachment. Children need an environment that permits them to cry without being distracted, ridiculed, or punished. This will allow them to maintain emotional health by regularly freeing themselves from the effects of frustrating, frightening, or confusing experiences. When parents strive to accept and listen to their children’s strong emotions, the children will know that they can always come to their parents with their problems, and that they will be loved no matter how sad, frightened, or angry they feel. Children brought up with this approach grow up to be cooperative, compassionate, and nonviolent. 
To sum up it happens that at the back of the child’s mind their is something that is bothering or upsetting him/her and he /she wants to handle it in your ways but as child is more natural so cant dramatize for long and express in his/her own ways.Control, humiliation and punishment or blaming and lecturing lead to defensiveness, resistance and sneaky rebellion. The children’s problem-solving skills get used to find ways around our restrictions instead of finding positive solutions to misbehavior. Punishment does not improve behavior long-term. For good behavior, you need a head that is calm, happy and thinking clearly. Distress and anger switch off the rational brain, which is immature under the age of 5 or 6 anyway. Treating children with dignity and respect shows faith in their ability to cooperate. The fact is, children need to feel better in order to do better.

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