art …Marc Fishman – Tristan and Isolde
The fantasy that if we are with the perfect person, our relationship will be easy, and that everything in our lives will fall into place is actually damaging to our chances of sticking out a long-term partnership. If we expect to feel known and understood, attractive and attracted, to never be lonely, to never look at anyone else, to never have doubts, and for our partners to magically make our lives emotionally full and logistically easy, we are in for a rude awakening. Personally, I’d rather be a partner to someone with slightly lower expectations than that. I believe that in relationships, we are doomed to fail each other in some ways no matter what. That is the nature of human relationships, because it is the nature of human beings. We are imperfect. But if we expect a flawed partner and flawed partnership, it’s a lot easier to manage the disappointment when those flaws become apparent than if we have been expecting “happily ever after” to be literal.