Author: Zaira Khan

​The fundamental reasons we continue to love people we don’t trust…

​The fundamental reasons we continue to love people we don’t trust…

You can still  love somebody you don’t trust as you have your own approach in life,BUT it will probably make you examine  even trustworthy actions as suspect.(if you are not with some other kind of psychological problems that are based on emotional problems). I think this makes it difficult for  both people in a relationship –one suspicious sad/angry person and one  who feels wrongly accused.

 Everyone makes mistakes (that is the easy part!)  the harder part is  telling the truth and dealing with it, but when people do this,they get exhausted and take their hands off normally and usually…But even if they continue the relationship then..this is deep shallowness in their own personality. For me its emotional SI..means emotional self injury.The wounds are sometimes very deep.Self esteem totally shatters..and cos you cant take yourself out of that kind of self harm mental situation, you carry on..and falsely tell yourself as a belief that you love the person..but deeply inside you don’t..you just dont want to loose the one you got somehow,thats the only thing that makes you anxious and insecure…

Trust is the foundation of a relationship. The same as faith, hope and  belief. Without these, what type of a relationship does one have? They  can have faith, hope and believe things will get better by gaining the  trust they once had. Trust may take a long time to build but is not  impossible, depending on what caused the mistrust. However, if the  reliance isn’t earned, the one not able to trust is left with a mind in a  cage of doubt and the one not being trusted finds oneself constantly on  guard. The longer in the relationship of trust-less issues, the more  the poison spreads. 

Why would  anyone in his/her logical mind want to have a relationship with someone  he/she does not trust? That premise is totally illogical for rational beings.  The basis of  a respectful and loving relationship is trust. When a relationship is  based upon trust, there is a comfort within that relationship.  There is  a freedom for people to be their unique selves and their most  vulnerable selves. the person knows all that but fixes self into denial,unconsciously he is too logic tight that his illogical thinking seems correct to him..so he wont listen and follow any other neutral person..If there is no awareness regarding your mind and its states,how anyone can protect self… 

When a relationship is based and  built upon trust, each person has each other’s back.  If a relationship  is not based upon trust, the relationship is and will become problematic  in more ways than one.  If one cannot trust a person in a relationship,  what GOOD is the relationship.  If one elects to remain in such a toxic  relationship, sooner or later he/she will be proverbially stabbed in  the back and he knows that but..he actually waits for that to happen..  In other words, the more trusting partner will be left  holding the bag so to speak.

So,to sum up I would say,”Trust forms the very core of a strong relationship. Without trust, it’s  questionable how far a relationship would go. I really don’t think it’s  worth it unless trust is reestablished. Sometimes the heart wants to  believe and wants to make it work, even when you have that underlying  feeling that it’s probably not worth it. The best someone can hope for  is to give the relationship a couple of chances and if still there is no  trust forming, then probably let it go for good.” If there is no trust, a relationship will not thrive. So actually we cant love fully the person we don’t trust..this is our misunderstanding if we think that we still love the untrusted people as before,mistrusting occurred.

zaira khan

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Like a shadow 

Depression is like the shadow that haunts us all secretly at some or the other period of time in our lives. It can become much like a vicious cycle if not attended to. There are a few things you could try 

Get yourself a change of place. Shift to a new room/home with more ventilation or a terrace or open balcony. Open air spaces are known to act like ventilator for the mind as much as the body by providing fresh air to breathe. The air we breathe is so important  yet so neglected. It’s really really important  to breathe fresh air. It’s cleansing for the body, as much as the mind.

Get yourself a small plant inside your room. Try placing it near your window. Tend to it every day and take care of by watering regularly. Green plants inside the home are known to be reflectors of positive energy.

Brighten your room. I won’t ask you to paint it afresh but bring in brighter bulbs into your room, an extra lamp would do great, too. Make sure you get ample sunlight inside your room during the day. Bright light would surely lessen the darkening thoughts in your head, too.

The best of all, get yourself a pet(if you can’t afford or manage an expensive pet , get fishes in a large bowl with lots of water for the fishes to swim around). Pets are said to elevate moods and #psychologists have found that homes with pets have lesser cases of depression-suffering members. If you can’t afford either, spend time or give food to the stray ones outside your home. Befriend them. That oughtta do the trick, too!

Snack on fruits. We often neglect the controllable factors to our health(physique and psyche). Fresh foods have high amounts of anti oxidants and fibre. They help in release of happy-hormones endorphins in your body giving you a full-feeling without a hint of sickness!

You could start working out/yoga. The world is celebrating the greatness of Yoga which benefits every single thought to every last cell in your being. I’ve personally benefitted a lot from yoga and that’s why I endorse it so much.

I won’t suggest you to push yourself too hard for anything but just remember this, medication and doctor…all on one side… You are the one and only bridge between them and a better and happier you! Take care.

zairakhan

How much life is too much?

Still want to crawl under a rock

 I still remember that when I was making myself a practicing psychologist, I was taking up or lets say was ready to take up many challenges to become well known in my profession,as there were tough competitions..Which I am now…. Some years back I had a seminar to present and that was for the psychology students,who were doing masters in clinical psychology and that was a great breakthrough as I was getting chance to address in one of the best institutes of Clinical Psychology. I was fully prepared with my laptop and presentation on endogenous and exogenous factors of migraine in female patients. As I entered the hall took up the dice and mic, started giving brief bio-data of my professional background and major interests of studies. And all of a sudden a young man of armed forces who was studying clinical psychology stood up and asked ARE YOU MARRIED? I without looking at him said I ABSOLUTELY DON’T KNOW?

I still remember I was so embarrassed with my answer that I had to take some deep breaths to focus on the work I was bound to do. but the students clapped for like five minutes. I don’t know why? But I wasn’t married and I could have said so with simple word NO.

Believe me in recalling this first seminar which was appreciated a lot I feel great success but I truly still want to crawl under a rock,that my answer to that invalid and unexpected question was totally nonsense.lol

Well to sum up I want to share this wonderful quotation.

 

No end to this cruelty

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Today the world is facing great threats of terrorism. Thousands of innocent people have been killed and still there seems to be no end to this cruelty. Some blame Islam as a religion of grave terror and bloodshed. But, in reality, there is no connection between Islam and terrorism at all; Islam is as closely related to terrorism as light is to darkness or life is to death or peace is to war. Islam very strongly condemns terrorism and encourages establishing peace and order in the land.
However, one cannot deny that on many occasions some Muslims are found involved in terrorist activities either individually, on behalf of a group or on behalf of a country with a predominately Muslim population.
But let it be very clear that we do not justify terrorism of any kind whatsoever, whatever the colour, religion, sentiment or objective the terrorist may claim to represent. Islam does not approve of disorder in any form. Islam does far from teach terrorism. It teaches rule of law, obedience to the authorities and does not let anyone take the law into his own hands. The Holy Quran states:
“O ye who believe! Obey Allah, and obey His Messenger and those who are in authority over you.’ (Ch.4: V.60)
The Holy Quran states that “those who create disorder in the earth, they are the real losers”; “and commit not iniquity in the earth, creating disorder”; “and Allah loves not disorder”. Such words and phrases are found in the Holy Quran repeatedly.
After this clear teaching such terrorist actions of some Muslim individuals or groups have no cover or justification at all, and they must be condemned widely. And those who are involved must be brought in front of justice.
As far as Islam is concerned, it categorically rejects and condemns every form of terrorism. It does not provide any cover or justification for any act of violence, be it committed by an individual, a group or a government.
The Muslim Community, which is a peace loving and law abiding community, strongly condemns all acts of terrorism anywhere in the world.We join in spreading a message of peace, love, harmony, tolerance and brotherhood.
We reject and condemn all acts and forms of violence and terrorism unreservedly and totally, because it is our deeply rooted belief that not only Islam but also no true religion, whatever its name, can sanction violence and the bloodshed of innocent men, women and children in the name of God. God is love, God is peace!
Love can never beget hatred, and peace can never lead to war.
Zairakhan

Life is to create 

Life is to create something, something tangible. You start with little or nothing perhaps, but then you plan and assemble and…build. which I think is the best thing that we all have motivation for..  But we can get worn down from  the continual burden of having to ultimately be responsible for achieving our dreams or not. And some would say they can get dangerously too caught up in running their lives than living them. But most of all we have to arrange for the most part of our lives and you can get to the new conclusion about life.  Some are left too much of themselves out in the quest and have become too one-dimensional. In the worst situations, there may be resentment and regret that much of endeavor was ultimately for naught. So we have to keep balance and go towards the end of the world than to get back into life’s  previous, past events,  by not  being sure to include and make and face new ones.

Zairakhan

We live in a mind

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As we move through life, acting and interacting with our environment, various memories are brought to consciousness as a result of sense stimulation – causing us to think, speak and act according to the contents of these memories. We live in a mind, which has been conditioned by the educational system, our beliefs,culture,society, propaganda, friends, family members, and the list expands according to our life’s experiences. While we think and feel like we are in control of our lives, for the most part we operate on automatic based on the contents of our subconscious being shuffled back and forth into the conscious mind by sense stimulation. However, once we begin to practice the experiments of proof, and experience the theory first-hand for ourselves, then the contents become rearranged differently and a clearer or new understanding is revealed.
The contents of the subconscious, combing with the contents of the conscious mind, which “cause” the “effects” we experience in life. Change or rearrange the contents of the subconscious and we perceive and experience life differently. Having the knowledge of what the mind is and how it operates leads to self-reflection..GO TOWARDS SELF REFLECTION IF YOU HAVE ANY CHOICE.

Zaira khan