Author: Zaira Khan

What you learn

Consider your options, based on your knowledge of your outer and inner environment. Be aware that you can change both your external surroundings, and your own thoughts, feelings, and behaviors, to help you to get what you want in life. Evaluate the various paths available to you, assess the probability that each path will get you to your goals. Then make a plan for how to proceed, and take the path that seems best suited to go where you want.
Finally, implement the decisions you made and travel along the path. Remember, you will usually encounter some unknown obstacles on your road to what you want. Be excited about getting feedback from your environment and learning about better paths forward. Take the opportunity to change your path if a new one opens up that seems better suited to help you meet your goals. Be open to changing your very goals themselves based on what you learn.



Turning you into

This is all well and good if you are mostly spending your time with positive, inspiring, motivated, caring and goal oriented individuals. However, what if you’re spending most of your time with pessimistic, angry, and dispassionate individuals? What are these people turning you into? How are they influencing your life? How are they influencing your daily choices, decisions, and actions?
It’s important to reflect upon the impact that others have on your life because you are in some respects mirroring their psychological tendencies. And this is happening whether you consciously realize it or not.



All of the people who underwent ‘transformation through suffering’ – – experienced a ‘moment of acceptance,’ when they gave up resisting their predicament. They ‘let go’, or surrendered to their state. In some cases, they felt they had no choice but to accept their state because they had nothing left to cling to or to hope for. This didn’t mean that they stopped trying to get better, or to rebuild their lives. It just meant that they faced up to the full reality of their state, and stopped trying to resist it in a rigid, adversarial way.



Some of the realizations..
1. Take time to make your forgiveness real and meaningful.
Did you every hear people say, “You have to forgive her!” or “Forgive him right now!”? Well, anyone can just say they forgive someone, but it takes time to actually move forward and truly forgive. Don’t let a person force you into forgiving someone before you’ve worked through your feelings, because it would lead to an empty forgiveness and not something that is true.
2. Meditate.
This is extremely important because it is so easy to get caught up in emotions when there is so much extra chatter or other influences. When you meditate, you are at one with your emotions in a quiet atmosphere. During meditation, I learn more about my needs and myself, and it constantly helps me grow as a person.
3. Write down your emotions and then release them.
Sometimes it’s hard to realize what upsets you. Is it because she said this? Or because her actions made you feel bad? Writing down your thoughts help you better understand your feelings. After I do this, I like to go outside and burn the paper. It feels therapeutic to watch something that hurt you disintegrate into little ashes.
4. Instead of focusing on how someone else hurt you, focus on how your actions affect others.
Whenever I deal with these issues, I am not an easy person to be around… I spent too much time focusing on someone and something that I could do nothing about instead of focusing on the good and peaceful relationships in my life. When I realized how I was treating my loved ones, it made me want to forgive the person who hurts me. I deserved that peace, and so did my friends and family.
5. Strive to live in the present.
This is the hardest thing to do. Especially now with the Internet and a fast-paced life, so many of us are multi-tasking, thinking of our next assignment before we finish with the one we are currently doing. By always thinking of tomorrow, we are losing today. The same goes for living in the past. If you let your past define you, you will never grow.
Through all the pain and the heartaches u go through years of your life, u can finally feel at peace….so… I think the best thing I ever did was forgive my rivals and so called enemies because it let me grow as a person and focus on all the wonderful people and things in my life..


Common experience.. Anger

Isn’t it a mystery that we humans have certain positive and negative emotions and feelings. These emotions really brighten up our lives. Without them our lives would have been like a stone Well Psychologically anger is a fact of life. Our world is filled with violence, hatred, war, and aggression. Psychologically, many theories of human development focus on the infant’s struggle with anger and frustration and the primitive fantasies of aggression, guilt, and separation that result from these feelings. In essence, we grow up with anger right from the beginning of life.Anger is a common human experience. We all face it. And we encounter it frequently. Feelings of anger can arise in many different contexts. Experiencing unjust treatment; hearing a criticism; or simply not getting what you want,but a few of the potential triggers are quite effective . The experience of anger can range from mild irritation, to frustration, all the way up to seething rage. As a matter of fact, even boredom is a mild version of anger in the form of dissatisfaction with what is happening.

While feeling angry is a natural part of being human, it’s helpful to think about skillful ways to work with it that result in healthy living, rather than feelings of regret about what you said or did and obviously missed.

Why is anger good sometimes? Without feelings of anger, we wouldn’t take a stand against unfairness or injustice. Anger is an internal alarm that tells us something is not quite right. Unfortunately, however, far too often, the anger humans feel is being triggered by far less consequential factors than serious wrongdoing.

We all feel hurt or irritated when someone or something obstructs our needs or desires. Anger, though, is not truly an emotion it’s more than that .

In its psychologically technical sense, anger refers to the desire to “get even with”—that is, to take revenge on—the cause of the hurt.

For example, when another car suddenly cuts in front of your car on the road, adrenaline pumps into your bloodstream. Your heart rate jumps. Your blood pressure surges. These things, however, are just immediate fight-or-flight physiological responses to a perceived threat.

Then, in a split second, as a psychological reaction to those immediate physiological responses, indignation and animosity toward the other driver overrun your mind. And then, in split second after these feelings erupt, you fall into the desire for revenge. You honk your horn. You give a dirty look. You scream a curse. And there you have it: anger. Anger, therefore, is the wish for harm or bad or evil to come upon someone or something that—in your eyes—has injured or obstructed you.

So the psychological process is clear and simple. When you feel hurt by someone, then, in your anger, you want to hurt him or her back, just as you have been hurt.

Anger is too complex and complicated to be understood exactly. Many researchers are still researching on the anger feelings and therefore anger management too.For example, when you get angry you don’t really allow yourself to feel your inner vulnerability and hurt. All you can think about in the moment is your desire to get revenge, to defend your pride, to do something—anything—to create the feeling that you have power and importance. In essence, your outbursts of rage paradoxically hide your inner feelings of vulnerability, so you neverrecognize the hurt you’re feeling that triggers your hostile reaction. All the bitterness and hostility is a big puff of smoke, an emotional fraud. It hardens your heart toward others so that you can seal off your own emotional pain. Someway in Western psychology, acceptance of every person’s unique emotional experiences is commonplace, but many non-Western cultures place a high value on social conformity. As a way to ensure a child’s survival in such a culture, families teach children that all expressions of anger are forbidden and shameful. To accomplish this, parents, along with the rest of the culture in general, tend to suppress all recognition of individual emotions in their children. As long as the children stay within their culture they can function, but if they migrate to a Western culture, then emotional conflicts can cause profound psychological confusion.The experience of anger varies widely; how often anger occurs, how intensely it is felt, and how long it lasts are different for each person. People also vary in how easily they get angry (their anger threshold), as well as how comfortable they are with feeling angry. Some people are always getting angry while others seldom feel angry. Some people are very aware of their anger, while others fail to recognize anger when it occurs. Some experts suggest that the average adult gets angry about once a day and annoyed or peeved about three times a day. Other anger management experts suggest that getting angry fifteen times a day is more likely a realistic average. Regardless of how often we actually experience anger, it is a common and unavoidable emotion.

Anger can be constructive or destructive. When well managed, anger or annoyance has very few detrimental health or interpersonal consequences. At its roots, anger is a signal to you that something in your environment isn’t right. It captures your attention and motivates you to take action to correct that wrong thing. How you end up handling the anger signal has very important consequences for your overall health and welfare, however. When you express anger, your actions trigger others to become defensive and angry too. Blood pressures raises and stress hormones flow. Violence can ensue. You may develop a reputation as a dangerous ‘loose cannon’ whom no one wants to be around.I think anger is a product of genetics,environment and circumstances. When your life changes so abruptly as a kid, that is to go from positive surroundings to an abrupt negative change, it can impact you for the rest of your life.

As a psychologist, however, what I’ve learned about anger has come as much from my efforts as a therapist to better understand its dynamics in my clients as from examining the various writings focused on it. In what follows, I’ll try to highlight some of the insights I’ve gained from trying to make coherent sense of the self-defeating behaviors I’ve seen in scores of challenging cases.With very few exceptions, the angry people I’ve worked with have suffered from significant image about self deficits. Many have been quite successful in their careers but far less so in their relationships, where anger triggers abound. Regardless of their professional achievements, however, almost all of them have been afflicted by an “I’m not good enough.”

I am very aware of my anger. Sometimes, I take it out on others. But when I close my room door, its ME who has to deal with MYSELF. I get angry at myself for being angry…because I know I can manage it positively.

Though its a hard thing to control. But keep your heads up, and join with your wits in controling this strong sudden and difficult emotion.



Hypocrisy has given human beings a bad name. It has given ideology, ideas and philosophy horrible reputations. Sadly, more reasonable people retreat into the gray area of the non-committed. “Everyone who has a strong idea is a hypocrite. That must mean ideas are wrong. The reasonable thing is to stay in the middle.” No, that’s wrong. The safe thing is to stay in the middle. But survival requires more than safety. Man has need of ideas whether he retreats from them, or not. The caveman needed ideas on how to eat and stay warm; the modern man needs ideas on how to generate prosperity and preserve civilization rather than collapsing into famine, poverty and mindlessness.