Genuine relationship

There are certain boundaries in the relationship of a therapist and client. Therapist is bound to keep confidentiality and best rapport. And of course therapist cannot use the things she knows about the client to manipulate or get involved in love relationship. The client always must have the idea that he is going to therapist for some fix its. And the therapeutic procedure has no restrictions in number of occurrences. But therapists have a personal and professional responsibility to maintain with high levels of self-awareness. They must take precautions to ensure that their issues are not getting in the way of helping their clients, and that they are not letting their clients’ issues prevent them from living their own lives. Weekly therapy sessions can create the time, space, and support for therapists to do just that. A therapist is there for correct the odds once they come out or deal with situations as they arise instead of feeling the need to be ready to deal with love life of a client.

Mark my words it’s a highly responsible respectful and caring reality based relationship. A therapist gets the license with certain training and skills. And it is of course not in the code of morality to have anykind of relationship after the cessation of sessions as well. Many clients fantasize the therapeutic sessions as ideal love relationship outcomes but in reality it’s not encouraged and should not be in this way.

Well in sessions I usually tell the clients involved with any therapist before that however, the vast majority of people who come to therapy do so with the intent of getting help with something specific. Whether it is something as broad as wanting to feel better or something as narrow as making a decision about a career move, people usually bring a specific goal to therapy. For some, these goals can be achieved in a few short months, while for others, it can take years. But ultimately there is a resolution and they feel ready to end therapy. The question then is how to do it.

One of the things people find most useful about therapy is that there is nothing you can’t talk about in a session—including your relationship with your therapist. In fact, a growing body of research indicates that much of the positive change produced by therapy comes as a result of the therapeutic relationship. For example, if your relationships improved while you were in therapy, it is likely, in part, because you learned new ways of being in relationships by actively participating in your therapeutic relationship. So take the well-honed skill set that you developed in therapy and open a discussion with your therapist about ending the therapeutic relationship.

This will likely come as no surprise to your therapist. He or she knows what you came in to work on and knows that you have achieved your goal. Plus, this is a natural part of the process—all therapists in training learn about how to help clients work through this final stage, called termination. This is a prime opportunity to review the goals that brought you to therapy and to reflect on the growth that allowed you to accomplish them. Part of termination involves reinforcing the coping skills that evolve during therapy and reminding clients to continue to draw upon them in the future. Another important part of this process is to identify indicators that may signal the need to return to therapy in the future.Finally, working through the process of termination with your therapist will allow you the opportunity to process the ending of a powerful and unique relationship. While this is a deeply genuine relationship, it is also one that exists within strictly prescribed boundaries—within the therapist’s office during appointment times. Of course, there may have been phone calls and additional meetings scheduled during times of crisis, but there isn’t a healthy way to continue the relationship you have formed with your therapist outside of therapy.

When Sigmund Freud wrote, “Psychoanalysis is, in essence, a cure through love” he didn’t mean therapists should have hot and heavy affairs with their patients (though many of his colleagues did, causing him to issue strict rules regarding professional boundaries). What Freud implied was, due to it’s enormous healing powers, love plays a central role in therapist/patient alliance and its bound or restricted to sessions only.

For example, many people report conflicts in their relationships with their parents. In essence, these conflicts originate from a lack of loving acceptance from their parents. These primitive, unsatisfying experiences leave people feeling incomplete. Such gaps in loving acceptance can remain with them throughout their lives, resulting in problematic relationships and difficulties with intimacy. So therapists are apt to address these shortcomings or problems,instead of providing the chance or hints to lrt clients fantasize about fantastic love relationship with the therapist.

People who grew up feeling unloved struggle mightily with giving or accepting love. They also find it difficult to love themselves.

In such cases, the love and understanding they receive from their therapist can fulfill those unmet needs. Such loving acceptance also translates into feelings of being understood, valued and cared for; feelings they yearned for but were denied.

Therapists are bombarded with all kinds of feelings, such as hate, yearning, anger or despair. Learning to manage such dynamic and often erratic emotions is essential. But before therapists can help their patients, they have to help themselves.

Experienced therapists spend years in their own therapy, two or three times a week, in addition to group therapy, supervision and post-masters training programs. They are taught to scrutinize their personal history, analyze and dissect life events, and pour over the intricacies of their own relationships. In the process, they become skilled at experiencing, investigating, and analyzing their own feelings, and enhancing their sensitivity.

We therapists always have to reflect on our personal experience of love and acceptance.

Ongoing personal analysis is essential for therapists. It’s impossible to be an effective therapist without stepping into the patient role. An unceasing commitment to personal growth and self-understanding provides therapists with the ability to provide the authentic, curative and nurturing relationships so many people need to be healed.

Psychotherapy is entirely a professional process and even after termination of sessions both the therapist and client cannot have a love relationship as it shows unethical and immoral roles of conduct from both sides.

Zairakhan

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Along the journey

Somewhere along the journey of our lives, people have learned that other people’s #opinion matters a great deal. And we are only safe if we are watching out for what they think. We are responsible for their thoughts and we are affected deeply by their thoughts about us. Then we carry a great burden of trying to live up to others expectations, fearful we are not doing that very thing, and eager to prove our worth to those closest to us. It’s no fun.
You can be honest with yourself because there is nothing to be ashamed or even embarrassed about. We do what we do because we have learned it, usually when we were young, at a time when all people are influenced by their surroundings and life experiences. It is a common thing to care too much about others’ thoughts of us, and given our past it often makes sense. So don’t be hard on yourself about it for a moment. Just acknowledge that it is there so you can move forward and feel better.
Understand, accept, change, will, can and move on your way..
zairakhan

Guilt says…

Guilt says “I Did Something Bad.”
Guilt is a feeling that you did something wrong. Guilt comes to you from your conscience, which tells you that you are not living up to your values. Guilt says, “I did something bad. I was wrong. I must pay.” Guilt is about actions that have hurt yourself or others. It is situation specific and related to your misbehavior. Your guilt then sets about to punish you. The guilt serves as personal punishment for the undesirable behavior. Guilty feelings can be helpful in the sense that they help us to put on the brakes on behaviors we would regret later.
Sometimes you will hang on to guilt long after the situation has passed. Hang-on guilt remains because you do not know how to release it. Guilt for acts committed in childhood can cause a reservoir of negative emotions to be stored in the body resulting in curbing of healthy assertive behavior. This kind of guilt is sometimes at the bottom of co-dependency.
There is another type of unhealthy guilt where we feel that we are the cause of something not because of wrongdoing but because of underlying feelings of worthlessness. This pseudo-guilt inadvertently is passed down in families when a parent acted like a martyr (Why did I get such a child? You will be the death of me.) or used discipline techniques of shaming and blaming the child (You are stupid. Dummy!) The child, being vulnerable, absorbs the negative energy of the abuser and internalizes the negative labels as being true. (I am dumb because my father called me dumb when I knocked the glass of milk over.)

Your struggle is not your progress..

We can’t stop yearning and desiring more in life. It’s our once given life.well people label and judge us according to their mentality. I usually say your struggle is not your progress, go ahead, find out what you want and live life according to your own close to nature ways. No need to stop here if we are pleasure seeking people, then God has given us lots of chances to get to the point where you can get the chance for doing more.
People generally take a rosy-glassed approach in perceiving themselves and that people who are more likely to show such self-enhancement in their self-perceptions are on a track for success in multiple domains.
In reality, we can only control so much of what happens in our worlds. But people vary in terms of how much they tend to think they have control—regardless of whether they actually have it. People who think they have a little more control than is actually warranted are at a dramatically reduced risk for depression.Humans don’t live in vacuums. We live in specific social circles. We have others who comprise our primary support group—often our spouse, family, and close friends. People often extend the self-relevant biases. For instance, people tend to over-idealize their partners. In fact, over-idealizing one’s romantic partner is a huge predictor of relationship success and satisfaction. Give others in your life the benefit of the doubt, and put on some rosy glasses when looking at them!
I’ve written about this feeling many times: the sense that nothing that you do really has any effect on the what is happening in your life. I’ve experienced it many times as well…
I believe,
Learned helplessness is associated with depression. It describes that quality of depression where you retreat to you bed and just give up on trying to impact the world. You give up your agency, sense of purpose, and feeling of hope and find yourself deep in a hole. Once you are down that deep, it is hard to dig your way out of it—especially if you don’t even try to dig. So learned helplessness can maintain depression.
And now come to the point of defensive mental mechanisms.
When we don’t want anything, you know what? It’s another form of reaction to blocked sense of self due to underlying issues.
You are a complex person with many interests. And those interests will evolve and change over time. And that is okay.
So the first step to finding your passion when you feel like you have none is to recognize that you are a person of many passions and interests. Some big, some small, and some that change as you change. And the second step to this whole passion mystery is to relax. This is a process that shouldn’t feel stressful, instead it should be something interesting and exciting because there is no one right answer.
Sometimes the voice in your head saying: “there’s nothing out there for you” will slow you down. You’ll get stuck being worried about a lack of progress and could end up back down in the gutter, fearful that nothing is ever going to change.

But that thinking is what got you here in the first place, right?

So instead of listening to those voices, take a moment to show them the door. When you feel like saying: “There’s no passion for me” – instead think: “I have a lot of passions, and I’m enjoying exploring what I want to do .Remember, you don’t know what’s coming next. Life is full of interesting twists and turns, but if we continually pursue things that we enjoy doing whether for a job or hobby, it will make the journey interesting and more fun.

Zairakhan

Boundaries in psychotherapy.

A boundary in psychotherapy is much like a boundary on a piece of land. It’s a line that both people recognize and honor. It’s a line that says where the relationship begins and ends. It sets the therapist apart from other people in your life.

There are really good reasons why your therapist can’t be your friend and still be your therapist. The therapeutic relationship is different by design. It’s an important difference in that professional boundaries are in place and should remain that way.here are really good reasons why your therapist can’t be your friend and still be your therapist. The therapeutic relationship is different by design. It’s an important difference in that professional boundaries are in place and should remain that way.Different models for therapy and different disciplines have different ideas about what the boundary closes in and closes out. Different therapists operate according to their training and their own ideas of what it means to “bind” the relationship. It’s why some therapists offer you tea and others don’t; why some therapists end sessions with a hug and others don’t even shake hands; why some will stop and chat in the aisle of the grocery store and others aren’t approachable; why some therapists will allow going over time during a client’s crisis and others feel it’s important to keep a strict end time.

But regardless of the specifics, therapists generally agree that defined boundaries provide safety for both the client and the therapist by clearly establishing a structure for the relationship that is consistent, reliable and predictable. The intent is to ensure that what happens in session is for the client’s benefit, not the therapists. Every discussion topic and interaction is as deliberate as possible and intended to move the client to his or her therapeutic goals.

Please its important for you to ask your therapist about responsible for making boundaries clear at the outset of your work together. Basics like when and where you will meet, fees, consequences for you not showing up for an appointment, and expectations for in office vs. out of office contact should be spelled out clearly. He or she should carefully explain the rules of confidentiality so there can be no misunderstanding about who has access to information from your sessions and what would trigger notification of authorities.

By maintaining professionalism, the therapist keeps your relationship clear. There is much less danger that you will misunderstand concern for your safety for personal, even romantic, interest. It lets you explore your feelings, even possible romantic or sexual feelings, without fear that the therapist will cross the line. Sometimes this is crucial to healing, especially if your issues include dealing with past abuse.

As a psychologist let me tell you another thing,sometimes therapists bend their own rules. A therapist may insist that all therapy happen in the office, for example, but decide to take a walk around the block with an antsy teenager who just can’t sit comfortably with an adult. Or he might go outside with an agoraphobic client as part of a desensitization process. Another therapist might make an exception when someone is in a hospital or home bound due to injury. Still another might not generally accept invitations to go to a client’s milestone events (wedding, funeral, graduation) but may make a careful decision to break that rule when it would be helpful to the client.

The important factor in making a decision to cross a boundary is the mutual judgment that it is clearly for the client’s benefit. The meaning of the crossing needs to be carefully discussed in session.

Crossing a boundary to serve the client is different from violating a boundary to serve the therapist’s needs. If a therapist exploits his or her power over the client to gratify his own sexual, financial or ego needs, it’s a violation of the boundary.

Calling and accepting calls that are primarily social in nature, or using the client’s time to vent about the therapist’s issues isn’t OK. Responding to a client’s requests, even insistence, that they meet informally or socially is a more subtle yet important violation. It confuses the relationship and makes it difficult for the client to trust or to do this or her therapeutic work. Crossing is sometimes advisable. Violating is inexcusable.

Your therapist should be kind, compassionate and understanding. But she should not be using your hour to deal with her own feelings, issues, successes and failures. Stay focused. Your therapy session should only be used to help relieve your symptoms and to help you learn how to manage your life in new ways that are more effective.

Interacting with clients out of the office has traditionally been placed under the broad umbrella of dual relationships. A dual relationship in psychotherapy occurs when the therapist, in addition to his or her therapeutic role, is in another relationship with his or her patient. Since the early nineties, the ethical codes of the American Psychological Association (APA) (1992) and all other major professional associations no longer impose a strict and uniform ban on dual relationships. Instead, the changed codes acknowledge that dual relationships may not always be avoidable or unethical. While the absolute ban has been lifted, the belief in the prohibition is still prevalent (Faulkner & Faulkner, 1997; Gutheil & Gabbard, 1993; Strasburger, et al., 1992). The revised code of ethics calls on therapists to avoid dual relationships only, ” . . . if it appears likely that such a relationship reasonably might impair the psychologist’s objectivity or otherwise interfere with the psychologist’s effectively performing his or her function as a psychologist, or might harm or exploit the other party.” (APA, 1992, p.1601)

Zairakhan

Never ending process.

Trying to figure out who you are seems relatively straightforward. After all, no one spends more time around you than you. But answering the #question of how well you know yourself is actually really tricky.Getting to know yourself means understanding your behavior and responses to certain situations. That’s why experiences are so good at helping you understand who you are. The benefits of figuring out who you are through experiences doesn’t end with self-discovery. Sometimes what you expect you’d do and what you actually do are completely different. But that can be a really good thing. Sometimes you can surprise yourself in how well you’ve done something. And that feeling is simply amazing. I am much deeper and complex than I probably realize. Human emotions and behaviors can’t always be explained away in a few sentences. It’s a never-ending process. And ultimately, it takes a lifetime.Anything that gets you in a relaxed, but active state of mind will work well as in my case to probe yourself. This is the ideal state to learn about yourself.Fortunately, there are some great ways to get to know yourself better. One of the better ways is to spend time alone with your thoughts. As a human being, you’re constantly going through character changes. I’ll try to explain this without getting too philosophical about it. Imagine all the things you did and liked when you were five years old. More than likely there is a long list of differences between who you were then and who you are now. In my opinion confidence and #reliance are at the heart of finding yourself. If you don’t have a solid sense of self-worth, you’ll listen to what others have to say all the time and to be swayed by their insistence on what is wrong, right, and appropriate. Learn to believe in yourself and trust your own feelings. Then, you’ll come up with a structure to base your new sense of self on. Remember, be patient with yourself and confident in your abilities as I do and tell to do. Everything will come with time. To sum up..I always try to be conscious of myself in thoughts, beliefs, feelings,words, actions and responses to others.,in different situations.Sometimes I really succeed.
Zairakhan

Primarily numb.

Sometimes we really don’t want to exhaust ourselves with extra burdens of negative or even positive emotions. In some cases it could be like a psychological defense so as to absorb the reality, means any events or something that arouses emotions to occupy your mental absorbing time. Whereas usually people just bottle up their emotions.One scenario that causes people to feel depressed without feeling sad is when depression causes them to feel primarily numb. They don’t feel sad, angry, joyful, or really anything at all. They may feel an amorphous misery, but no specific emotion.

Zairakhan