Tag: attraction

​The fundamental reasons we continue to love people we don’t trust…

​The fundamental reasons we continue to love people we don’t trust…

You can still  love somebody you don’t trust as you have your own approach in life,BUT it will probably make you examine  even trustworthy actions as suspect.(if you are not with some other kind of psychological problems that are based on emotional problems). I think this makes it difficult for  both people in a relationship –one suspicious sad/angry person and one  who feels wrongly accused.

 Everyone makes mistakes (that is the easy part!)  the harder part is  telling the truth and dealing with it, but when people do this,they get exhausted and take their hands off normally and usually…But even if they continue the relationship then..this is deep shallowness in their own personality. For me its emotional SI..means emotional self injury.The wounds are sometimes very deep.Self esteem totally shatters..and cos you cant take yourself out of that kind of self harm mental situation, you carry on..and falsely tell yourself as a belief that you love the person..but deeply inside you don’t..you just dont want to loose the one you got somehow,thats the only thing that makes you anxious and insecure…

Trust is the foundation of a relationship. The same as faith, hope and  belief. Without these, what type of a relationship does one have? They  can have faith, hope and believe things will get better by gaining the  trust they once had. Trust may take a long time to build but is not  impossible, depending on what caused the mistrust. However, if the  reliance isn’t earned, the one not able to trust is left with a mind in a  cage of doubt and the one not being trusted finds oneself constantly on  guard. The longer in the relationship of trust-less issues, the more  the poison spreads. 

Why would  anyone in his/her logical mind want to have a relationship with someone  he/she does not trust? That premise is totally illogical for rational beings.  The basis of  a respectful and loving relationship is trust. When a relationship is  based upon trust, there is a comfort within that relationship.  There is  a freedom for people to be their unique selves and their most  vulnerable selves. the person knows all that but fixes self into denial,unconsciously he is too logic tight that his illogical thinking seems correct to him..so he wont listen and follow any other neutral person..If there is no awareness regarding your mind and its states,how anyone can protect self… 

When a relationship is based and  built upon trust, each person has each other’s back.  If a relationship  is not based upon trust, the relationship is and will become problematic  in more ways than one.  If one cannot trust a person in a relationship,  what GOOD is the relationship.  If one elects to remain in such a toxic  relationship, sooner or later he/she will be proverbially stabbed in  the back and he knows that but..he actually waits for that to happen..  In other words, the more trusting partner will be left  holding the bag so to speak.

So,to sum up I would say,”Trust forms the very core of a strong relationship. Without trust, it’s  questionable how far a relationship would go. I really don’t think it’s  worth it unless trust is reestablished. Sometimes the heart wants to  believe and wants to make it work, even when you have that underlying  feeling that it’s probably not worth it. The best someone can hope for  is to give the relationship a couple of chances and if still there is no  trust forming, then probably let it go for good.” If there is no trust, a relationship will not thrive. So actually we cant love fully the person we don’t trust..this is our misunderstanding if we think that we still love the untrusted people as before,mistrusting occurred.

zaira khan

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​Attraction vs. Avoidance

Some people are motivated more by doing things, whilst others are motivated more by avoiding things.

People who are driven towards doing things tend to have positive goals and seek to achieve specific things. They are forward-looking and see the world as being full of opportunity. They generally have a passion and desire to succeed in order to gain either specific rewards or general recognition.

They focus is largely on the future and when they have achieved something they may even forget about it in the headlong charge into further challenges.

Some people have problems with this in that they are attracted to too many things. They dart from one opportunity to another, seeking gratification all over the place. They may be looking for something and they may not yet know what they want.

Those who are driven to avoid things something look like they are attracted to the things they are actually doing, but they are actually looking more over their shoulder than in front of them. For example people who are very energetic at work may be driven more by a worry about failure or criticism than by an attraction towards achievement.

Those who are avoidance-driven focus more by their fears than their desires (which may well be fears in disguise).

Avoidance can be a high-stress preference. We may be generally driven by attraction when things are going well, but when we are threatened or otherwise experience high levels of stress, we may use an avoidance strategy to get away from that discomfort.

A problem with avoidance when compared to attraction is that there are many directions in which to run away from something, yet only one way you can run towards something. Motivating a person by triggering avoidance is not necessarily a helpful approach.

For those who are driven by attraction, seek their passions and lay opportunity in their path. They will swoop towards what you are offering.

For those driven by avoidance, point out the problems of the past and the dangers of the present. Show them a future where they can at least avoid the worst of the problems they face.

Zaira  Khan