Tag: authentic self

Self righteousness

Self-righteousness can be destructive because it reduces our willingness to cooperate or compromise,creates distance between ourselves and others,and can lead to intolerance or even violence.Feelings of moral superiority may play a role in political discord, social conflict, and important life matters.
zairakhan

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Truth

All of the people who underwent ‘transformation through suffering’ – – experienced a ‘moment of acceptance,’ when they gave up resisting their predicament. They ‘let go’, or surrendered to their state. In some cases, they felt they had no choice but to accept their state because they had nothing left to cling to or to hope for. This didn’t mean that they stopped trying to get better, or to rebuild their lives. It just meant that they faced up to the full reality of their state, and stopped trying to resist it in a rigid, adversarial way.

Zairakhan

Realizations

Some of the realizations..
1. Take time to make your forgiveness real and meaningful.
Did you every hear people say, “You have to forgive her!” or “Forgive him right now!”? Well, anyone can just say they forgive someone, but it takes time to actually move forward and truly forgive. Don’t let a person force you into forgiving someone before you’ve worked through your feelings, because it would lead to an empty forgiveness and not something that is true.
2. Meditate.
This is extremely important because it is so easy to get caught up in emotions when there is so much extra chatter or other influences. When you meditate, you are at one with your emotions in a quiet atmosphere. During meditation, I learn more about my needs and myself, and it constantly helps me grow as a person.
3. Write down your emotions and then release them.
Sometimes it’s hard to realize what upsets you. Is it because she said this? Or because her actions made you feel bad? Writing down your thoughts help you better understand your feelings. After I do this, I like to go outside and burn the paper. It feels therapeutic to watch something that hurt you disintegrate into little ashes.
4. Instead of focusing on how someone else hurt you, focus on how your actions affect others.
Whenever I deal with these issues, I am not an easy person to be around… I spent too much time focusing on someone and something that I could do nothing about instead of focusing on the good and peaceful relationships in my life. When I realized how I was treating my loved ones, it made me want to forgive the person who hurts me. I deserved that peace, and so did my friends and family.
5. Strive to live in the present.
This is the hardest thing to do. Especially now with the Internet and a fast-paced life, so many of us are multi-tasking, thinking of our next assignment before we finish with the one we are currently doing. By always thinking of tomorrow, we are losing today. The same goes for living in the past. If you let your past define you, you will never grow.
Through all the pain and the heartaches u go through years of your life, u can finally feel at peace….so… I think the best thing I ever did was forgive my rivals and so called enemies because it let me grow as a person and focus on all the wonderful people and things in my life..

zairakhan

Common experience.. Anger

Isn’t it a mystery that we humans have certain positive and negative emotions and feelings. These emotions really brighten up our lives. Without them our lives would have been like a stone Well Psychologically anger is a fact of life. Our world is filled with violence, hatred, war, and aggression. Psychologically, many theories of human development focus on the infant’s struggle with anger and frustration and the primitive fantasies of aggression, guilt, and separation that result from these feelings. In essence, we grow up with anger right from the beginning of life.Anger is a common human experience. We all face it. And we encounter it frequently. Feelings of anger can arise in many different contexts. Experiencing unjust treatment; hearing a criticism; or simply not getting what you want,but a few of the potential triggers are quite effective . The experience of anger can range from mild irritation, to frustration, all the way up to seething rage. As a matter of fact, even boredom is a mild version of anger in the form of dissatisfaction with what is happening.

While feeling angry is a natural part of being human, it’s helpful to think about skillful ways to work with it that result in healthy living, rather than feelings of regret about what you said or did and obviously missed.

Why is anger good sometimes? Without feelings of anger, we wouldn’t take a stand against unfairness or injustice. Anger is an internal alarm that tells us something is not quite right. Unfortunately, however, far too often, the anger humans feel is being triggered by far less consequential factors than serious wrongdoing.

We all feel hurt or irritated when someone or something obstructs our needs or desires. Anger, though, is not truly an emotion it’s more than that .

In its psychologically technical sense, anger refers to the desire to “get even with”—that is, to take revenge on—the cause of the hurt.

For example, when another car suddenly cuts in front of your car on the road, adrenaline pumps into your bloodstream. Your heart rate jumps. Your blood pressure surges. These things, however, are just immediate fight-or-flight physiological responses to a perceived threat.

Then, in a split second, as a psychological reaction to those immediate physiological responses, indignation and animosity toward the other driver overrun your mind. And then, in split second after these feelings erupt, you fall into the desire for revenge. You honk your horn. You give a dirty look. You scream a curse. And there you have it: anger. Anger, therefore, is the wish for harm or bad or evil to come upon someone or something that—in your eyes—has injured or obstructed you.

So the psychological process is clear and simple. When you feel hurt by someone, then, in your anger, you want to hurt him or her back, just as you have been hurt.

Anger is too complex and complicated to be understood exactly. Many researchers are still researching on the anger feelings and therefore anger management too.For example, when you get angry you don’t really allow yourself to feel your inner vulnerability and hurt. All you can think about in the moment is your desire to get revenge, to defend your pride, to do something—anything—to create the feeling that you have power and importance. In essence, your outbursts of rage paradoxically hide your inner feelings of vulnerability, so you neverrecognize the hurt you’re feeling that triggers your hostile reaction. All the bitterness and hostility is a big puff of smoke, an emotional fraud. It hardens your heart toward others so that you can seal off your own emotional pain. Someway in Western psychology, acceptance of every person’s unique emotional experiences is commonplace, but many non-Western cultures place a high value on social conformity. As a way to ensure a child’s survival in such a culture, families teach children that all expressions of anger are forbidden and shameful. To accomplish this, parents, along with the rest of the culture in general, tend to suppress all recognition of individual emotions in their children. As long as the children stay within their culture they can function, but if they migrate to a Western culture, then emotional conflicts can cause profound psychological confusion.The experience of anger varies widely; how often anger occurs, how intensely it is felt, and how long it lasts are different for each person. People also vary in how easily they get angry (their anger threshold), as well as how comfortable they are with feeling angry. Some people are always getting angry while others seldom feel angry. Some people are very aware of their anger, while others fail to recognize anger when it occurs. Some experts suggest that the average adult gets angry about once a day and annoyed or peeved about three times a day. Other anger management experts suggest that getting angry fifteen times a day is more likely a realistic average. Regardless of how often we actually experience anger, it is a common and unavoidable emotion.

Anger can be constructive or destructive. When well managed, anger or annoyance has very few detrimental health or interpersonal consequences. At its roots, anger is a signal to you that something in your environment isn’t right. It captures your attention and motivates you to take action to correct that wrong thing. How you end up handling the anger signal has very important consequences for your overall health and welfare, however. When you express anger, your actions trigger others to become defensive and angry too. Blood pressures raises and stress hormones flow. Violence can ensue. You may develop a reputation as a dangerous ‘loose cannon’ whom no one wants to be around.I think anger is a product of genetics,environment and circumstances. When your life changes so abruptly as a kid, that is to go from positive surroundings to an abrupt negative change, it can impact you for the rest of your life.

As a psychologist, however, what I’ve learned about anger has come as much from my efforts as a therapist to better understand its dynamics in my clients as from examining the various writings focused on it. In what follows, I’ll try to highlight some of the insights I’ve gained from trying to make coherent sense of the self-defeating behaviors I’ve seen in scores of challenging cases.With very few exceptions, the angry people I’ve worked with have suffered from significant image about self deficits. Many have been quite successful in their careers but far less so in their relationships, where anger triggers abound. Regardless of their professional achievements, however, almost all of them have been afflicted by an “I’m not good enough.”

I am very aware of my anger. Sometimes, I take it out on others. But when I close my room door, its ME who has to deal with MYSELF. I get angry at myself for being angry…because I know I can manage it positively.

Though its a hard thing to control. But keep your heads up, and join with your wits in controling this strong sudden and difficult emotion.

Zairakhan

Along the journey

Somewhere along the journey of our lives, people have learned that other people’s #opinion matters a great deal. And we are only safe if we are watching out for what they think. We are responsible for their thoughts and we are affected deeply by their thoughts about us. Then we carry a great burden of trying to live up to others expectations, fearful we are not doing that very thing, and eager to prove our worth to those closest to us. It’s no fun.
You can be honest with yourself because there is nothing to be ashamed or even embarrassed about. We do what we do because we have learned it, usually when we were young, at a time when all people are influenced by their surroundings and life experiences. It is a common thing to care too much about others’ thoughts of us, and given our past it often makes sense. So don’t be hard on yourself about it for a moment. Just acknowledge that it is there so you can move forward and feel better.
Understand, accept, change, will, can and move on your way..
zairakhan

Your struggle is not your progress..

We can’t stop yearning and desiring more in life. It’s our once given life.well people label and judge us according to their mentality. I usually say your struggle is not your progress, go ahead, find out what you want and live life according to your own close to nature ways. No need to stop here if we are pleasure seeking people, then God has given us lots of chances to get to the point where you can get the chance for doing more.
People generally take a rosy-glassed approach in perceiving themselves and that people who are more likely to show such self-enhancement in their self-perceptions are on a track for success in multiple domains.
In reality, we can only control so much of what happens in our worlds. But people vary in terms of how much they tend to think they have control—regardless of whether they actually have it. People who think they have a little more control than is actually warranted are at a dramatically reduced risk for depression.Humans don’t live in vacuums. We live in specific social circles. We have others who comprise our primary support group—often our spouse, family, and close friends. People often extend the self-relevant biases. For instance, people tend to over-idealize their partners. In fact, over-idealizing one’s romantic partner is a huge predictor of relationship success and satisfaction. Give others in your life the benefit of the doubt, and put on some rosy glasses when looking at them!
I’ve written about this feeling many times: the sense that nothing that you do really has any effect on the what is happening in your life. I’ve experienced it many times as well…
I believe,
Learned helplessness is associated with depression. It describes that quality of depression where you retreat to you bed and just give up on trying to impact the world. You give up your agency, sense of purpose, and feeling of hope and find yourself deep in a hole. Once you are down that deep, it is hard to dig your way out of it—especially if you don’t even try to dig. So learned helplessness can maintain depression.
And now come to the point of defensive mental mechanisms.
When we don’t want anything, you know what? It’s another form of reaction to blocked sense of self due to underlying issues.
You are a complex person with many interests. And those interests will evolve and change over time. And that is okay.
So the first step to finding your passion when you feel like you have none is to recognize that you are a person of many passions and interests. Some big, some small, and some that change as you change. And the second step to this whole passion mystery is to relax. This is a process that shouldn’t feel stressful, instead it should be something interesting and exciting because there is no one right answer.
Sometimes the voice in your head saying: “there’s nothing out there for you” will slow you down. You’ll get stuck being worried about a lack of progress and could end up back down in the gutter, fearful that nothing is ever going to change.

But that thinking is what got you here in the first place, right?

So instead of listening to those voices, take a moment to show them the door. When you feel like saying: “There’s no passion for me” – instead think: “I have a lot of passions, and I’m enjoying exploring what I want to do .Remember, you don’t know what’s coming next. Life is full of interesting twists and turns, but if we continually pursue things that we enjoy doing whether for a job or hobby, it will make the journey interesting and more fun.

Zairakhan

Primarily numb.

Sometimes we really don’t want to exhaust ourselves with extra burdens of negative or even positive emotions. In some cases it could be like a psychological defense so as to absorb the reality, means any events or something that arouses emotions to occupy your mental absorbing time. Whereas usually people just bottle up their emotions.One scenario that causes people to feel depressed without feeling sad is when depression causes them to feel primarily numb. They don’t feel sad, angry, joyful, or really anything at all. They may feel an amorphous misery, but no specific emotion.

Zairakhan