Tag: awareness

Your struggle is not your progress..

We can’t stop yearning and desiring more in life. It’s our once given life.well people label and judge us according to their mentality. I usually say your struggle is not your progress, go ahead, find out what you want and live life according to your own close to nature ways. No need to stop here if we are pleasure seeking people, then God has given us lots of chances to get to the point where you can get the chance for doing more.
People generally take a rosy-glassed approach in perceiving themselves and that people who are more likely to show such self-enhancement in their self-perceptions are on a track for success in multiple domains.
In reality, we can only control so much of what happens in our worlds. But people vary in terms of how much they tend to think they have control—regardless of whether they actually have it. People who think they have a little more control than is actually warranted are at a dramatically reduced risk for depression.Humans don’t live in vacuums. We live in specific social circles. We have others who comprise our primary support group—often our spouse, family, and close friends. People often extend the self-relevant biases. For instance, people tend to over-idealize their partners. In fact, over-idealizing one’s romantic partner is a huge predictor of relationship success and satisfaction. Give others in your life the benefit of the doubt, and put on some rosy glasses when looking at them!
I’ve written about this feeling many times: the sense that nothing that you do really has any effect on the what is happening in your life. I’ve experienced it many times as well…
I believe,
Learned helplessness is associated with depression. It describes that quality of depression where you retreat to you bed and just give up on trying to impact the world. You give up your agency, sense of purpose, and feeling of hope and find yourself deep in a hole. Once you are down that deep, it is hard to dig your way out of it—especially if you don’t even try to dig. So learned helplessness can maintain depression.
And now come to the point of defensive mental mechanisms.
When we don’t want anything, you know what? It’s another form of reaction to blocked sense of self due to underlying issues.
You are a complex person with many interests. And those interests will evolve and change over time. And that is okay.
So the first step to finding your passion when you feel like you have none is to recognize that you are a person of many passions and interests. Some big, some small, and some that change as you change. And the second step to this whole passion mystery is to relax. This is a process that shouldn’t feel stressful, instead it should be something interesting and exciting because there is no one right answer.
Sometimes the voice in your head saying: “there’s nothing out there for you” will slow you down. You’ll get stuck being worried about a lack of progress and could end up back down in the gutter, fearful that nothing is ever going to change.

But that thinking is what got you here in the first place, right?

So instead of listening to those voices, take a moment to show them the door. When you feel like saying: “There’s no passion for me” – instead think: “I have a lot of passions, and I’m enjoying exploring what I want to do .Remember, you don’t know what’s coming next. Life is full of interesting twists and turns, but if we continually pursue things that we enjoy doing whether for a job or hobby, it will make the journey interesting and more fun.



Boundaries in psychotherapy.

A boundary in psychotherapy is much like a boundary on a piece of land. It’s a line that both people recognize and honor. It’s a line that says where the relationship begins and ends. It sets the therapist apart from other people in your life.

There are really good reasons why your therapist can’t be your friend and still be your therapist. The therapeutic relationship is different by design. It’s an important difference in that professional boundaries are in place and should remain that way.here are really good reasons why your therapist can’t be your friend and still be your therapist. The therapeutic relationship is different by design. It’s an important difference in that professional boundaries are in place and should remain that way.Different models for therapy and different disciplines have different ideas about what the boundary closes in and closes out. Different therapists operate according to their training and their own ideas of what it means to “bind” the relationship. It’s why some therapists offer you tea and others don’t; why some therapists end sessions with a hug and others don’t even shake hands; why some will stop and chat in the aisle of the grocery store and others aren’t approachable; why some therapists will allow going over time during a client’s crisis and others feel it’s important to keep a strict end time.

But regardless of the specifics, therapists generally agree that defined boundaries provide safety for both the client and the therapist by clearly establishing a structure for the relationship that is consistent, reliable and predictable. The intent is to ensure that what happens in session is for the client’s benefit, not the therapists. Every discussion topic and interaction is as deliberate as possible and intended to move the client to his or her therapeutic goals.

Please its important for you to ask your therapist about responsible for making boundaries clear at the outset of your work together. Basics like when and where you will meet, fees, consequences for you not showing up for an appointment, and expectations for in office vs. out of office contact should be spelled out clearly. He or she should carefully explain the rules of confidentiality so there can be no misunderstanding about who has access to information from your sessions and what would trigger notification of authorities.

By maintaining professionalism, the therapist keeps your relationship clear. There is much less danger that you will misunderstand concern for your safety for personal, even romantic, interest. It lets you explore your feelings, even possible romantic or sexual feelings, without fear that the therapist will cross the line. Sometimes this is crucial to healing, especially if your issues include dealing with past abuse.

As a psychologist let me tell you another thing,sometimes therapists bend their own rules. A therapist may insist that all therapy happen in the office, for example, but decide to take a walk around the block with an antsy teenager who just can’t sit comfortably with an adult. Or he might go outside with an agoraphobic client as part of a desensitization process. Another therapist might make an exception when someone is in a hospital or home bound due to injury. Still another might not generally accept invitations to go to a client’s milestone events (wedding, funeral, graduation) but may make a careful decision to break that rule when it would be helpful to the client.

The important factor in making a decision to cross a boundary is the mutual judgment that it is clearly for the client’s benefit. The meaning of the crossing needs to be carefully discussed in session.

Crossing a boundary to serve the client is different from violating a boundary to serve the therapist’s needs. If a therapist exploits his or her power over the client to gratify his own sexual, financial or ego needs, it’s a violation of the boundary.

Calling and accepting calls that are primarily social in nature, or using the client’s time to vent about the therapist’s issues isn’t OK. Responding to a client’s requests, even insistence, that they meet informally or socially is a more subtle yet important violation. It confuses the relationship and makes it difficult for the client to trust or to do this or her therapeutic work. Crossing is sometimes advisable. Violating is inexcusable.

Your therapist should be kind, compassionate and understanding. But she should not be using your hour to deal with her own feelings, issues, successes and failures. Stay focused. Your therapy session should only be used to help relieve your symptoms and to help you learn how to manage your life in new ways that are more effective.

Interacting with clients out of the office has traditionally been placed under the broad umbrella of dual relationships. A dual relationship in psychotherapy occurs when the therapist, in addition to his or her therapeutic role, is in another relationship with his or her patient. Since the early nineties, the ethical codes of the American Psychological Association (APA) (1992) and all other major professional associations no longer impose a strict and uniform ban on dual relationships. Instead, the changed codes acknowledge that dual relationships may not always be avoidable or unethical. While the absolute ban has been lifted, the belief in the prohibition is still prevalent (Faulkner & Faulkner, 1997; Gutheil & Gabbard, 1993; Strasburger, et al., 1992). The revised code of ethics calls on therapists to avoid dual relationships only, ” . . . if it appears likely that such a relationship reasonably might impair the psychologist’s objectivity or otherwise interfere with the psychologist’s effectively performing his or her function as a psychologist, or might harm or exploit the other party.” (APA, 1992, p.1601)


Primarily numb.

Sometimes we really don’t want to exhaust ourselves with extra burdens of negative or even positive emotions. In some cases it could be like a psychological defense so as to absorb the reality, means any events or something that arouses emotions to occupy your mental absorbing time. Whereas usually people just bottle up their emotions.One scenario that causes people to feel depressed without feeling sad is when depression causes them to feel primarily numb. They don’t feel sad, angry, joyful, or really anything at all. They may feel an amorphous misery, but no specific emotion.



TWO areas of choice.

It is important to distinguish between two areas of choice.. The inner and outer choices. The inner choice is usually made before you are confronted with a situation that demands a response. You can ask yourself. Will I respond in that particular situation as me without any self defeating behaviors or will I undermine myself by not responding as my best and most complete self? This inner choice is connected to daring to be completely your best in a moment of living.

Once the inner choice is made, the stage is set for outer choices which are needed to carry out the inner decision.If the inner decision is this that you won’t check your ability or intelligence you have to make the decisions to put the tasks aside or off. Your inner judgement tells you how to survive and for that how to manipulate others to reach to the desirable destination. If your inner choice is not as attractive as it should be then for sure your outer choices will put excessive pressures on you and you can find yourself with hostility. And you will depend on the judgments of others.

You don’t arrive where you inner choice by its outer manifestation the results each time the behavioral cycle is repeated. You do not arrive where you by chance you get there by a series of choices.

If you continuously defeat yourself in areas that require you to use your intelligence your inner choice may be to avoid seeing how intelligent you are.

Using behaviors to withdraw and avoid testing your adequacy to get along with others you have to see how good and bad concepts and ideas you have.By depending on the ideas of others you won’t assess yourself properly. So work on inner choices repeatedly and then also testify in outer choices.



Opposite action 

This is useful for is when you are sad and you don’t want to go out with your friends. While this is a completely natural feeling, sometimes it is better to drag yourself out with your friends anyway – do the opposite action. Often you end up feeling glad that you did, even if at first you were hesitant about it.

zaira khan

​The fundamental reasons we continue to love people we don’t trust…

​The fundamental reasons we continue to love people we don’t trust…

You can still  love somebody you don’t trust as you have your own approach in life,BUT it will probably make you examine  even trustworthy actions as suspect.(if you are not with some other kind of psychological problems that are based on emotional problems). I think this makes it difficult for  both people in a relationship –one suspicious sad/angry person and one  who feels wrongly accused.

 Everyone makes mistakes (that is the easy part!)  the harder part is  telling the truth and dealing with it, but when people do this,they get exhausted and take their hands off normally and usually…But even if they continue the relationship then..this is deep shallowness in their own personality. For me its emotional SI..means emotional self injury.The wounds are sometimes very deep.Self esteem totally shatters..and cos you cant take yourself out of that kind of self harm mental situation, you carry on..and falsely tell yourself as a belief that you love the person..but deeply inside you don’t..you just dont want to loose the one you got somehow,thats the only thing that makes you anxious and insecure…

Trust is the foundation of a relationship. The same as faith, hope and  belief. Without these, what type of a relationship does one have? They  can have faith, hope and believe things will get better by gaining the  trust they once had. Trust may take a long time to build but is not  impossible, depending on what caused the mistrust. However, if the  reliance isn’t earned, the one not able to trust is left with a mind in a  cage of doubt and the one not being trusted finds oneself constantly on  guard. The longer in the relationship of trust-less issues, the more  the poison spreads. 

Why would  anyone in his/her logical mind want to have a relationship with someone  he/she does not trust? That premise is totally illogical for rational beings.  The basis of  a respectful and loving relationship is trust. When a relationship is  based upon trust, there is a comfort within that relationship.  There is  a freedom for people to be their unique selves and their most  vulnerable selves. the person knows all that but fixes self into denial,unconsciously he is too logic tight that his illogical thinking seems correct to him..so he wont listen and follow any other neutral person..If there is no awareness regarding your mind and its states,how anyone can protect self… 

When a relationship is based and  built upon trust, each person has each other’s back.  If a relationship  is not based upon trust, the relationship is and will become problematic  in more ways than one.  If one cannot trust a person in a relationship,  what GOOD is the relationship.  If one elects to remain in such a toxic  relationship, sooner or later he/she will be proverbially stabbed in  the back and he knows that but..he actually waits for that to happen..  In other words, the more trusting partner will be left  holding the bag so to speak.

So,to sum up I would say,”Trust forms the very core of a strong relationship. Without trust, it’s  questionable how far a relationship would go. I really don’t think it’s  worth it unless trust is reestablished. Sometimes the heart wants to  believe and wants to make it work, even when you have that underlying  feeling that it’s probably not worth it. The best someone can hope for  is to give the relationship a couple of chances and if still there is no  trust forming, then probably let it go for good.” If there is no trust, a relationship will not thrive. So actually we cant love fully the person we don’t trust..this is our misunderstanding if we think that we still love the untrusted people as before,mistrusting occurred.

zaira khan


Like a shadow 

Depression is like the shadow that haunts us all secretly at some or the other period of time in our lives. It can become much like a vicious cycle if not attended to. There are a few things you could try 

Get yourself a change of place. Shift to a new room/home with more ventilation or a terrace or open balcony. Open air spaces are known to act like ventilator for the mind as much as the body by providing fresh air to breathe. The air we breathe is so important  yet so neglected. It’s really really important  to breathe fresh air. It’s cleansing for the body, as much as the mind.

Get yourself a small plant inside your room. Try placing it near your window. Tend to it every day and take care of by watering regularly. Green plants inside the home are known to be reflectors of positive energy.

Brighten your room. I won’t ask you to paint it afresh but bring in brighter bulbs into your room, an extra lamp would do great, too. Make sure you get ample sunlight inside your room during the day. Bright light would surely lessen the darkening thoughts in your head, too.

The best of all, get yourself a pet(if you can’t afford or manage an expensive pet , get fishes in a large bowl with lots of water for the fishes to swim around). Pets are said to elevate moods and #psychologists have found that homes with pets have lesser cases of depression-suffering members. If you can’t afford either, spend time or give food to the stray ones outside your home. Befriend them. That oughtta do the trick, too!

Snack on fruits. We often neglect the controllable factors to our health(physique and psyche). Fresh foods have high amounts of anti oxidants and fibre. They help in release of happy-hormones endorphins in your body giving you a full-feeling without a hint of sickness!

You could start working out/yoga. The world is celebrating the greatness of Yoga which benefits every single thought to every last cell in your being. I’ve personally benefitted a lot from yoga and that’s why I endorse it so much.

I won’t suggest you to push yourself too hard for anything but just remember this, medication and doctor…all on one side… You are the one and only bridge between them and a better and happier you! Take care.