Tag: feelings

How much life is too much?

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Still want to crawl under a rock

 I still remember that when I was making myself a practicing psychologist, I was taking up or lets say was ready to take up many challenges to become well known in my profession,as there were tough competitions..Which I am now…. Some years back I had a seminar to present and that was for the psychology students,who were doing masters in clinical psychology and that was a great breakthrough as I was getting chance to address in one of the best institutes of Clinical Psychology. I was fully prepared with my laptop and presentation on endogenous and exogenous factors of migraine in female patients. As I entered the hall took up the dice and mic, started giving brief bio-data of my professional background and major interests of studies. And all of a sudden a young man of armed forces who was studying clinical psychology stood up and asked ARE YOU MARRIED? I without looking at him said I ABSOLUTELY DON’T KNOW?

I still remember I was so embarrassed with my answer that I had to take some deep breaths to focus on the work I was bound to do. but the students clapped for like five minutes. I don’t know why? But I wasn’t married and I could have said so with simple word NO.

Believe me in recalling this first seminar which was appreciated a lot I feel great success but I truly still want to crawl under a rock,that my answer to that invalid and unexpected question was totally nonsense.lol

Well to sum up I want to share this wonderful quotation.

 

Giving up? 

 

Shutting yourself away doesn’t really improve the situation. At best, you will remain in stasis, and not get worse, but not get better. The best strategy I found is to strengthen your physical self. Treat your body as a container for your mental and emotional/spiritual self. If the container is stronger, your mental side will be better able to function as well. So to start – eat clean (no junk food, protein at every meal, and lots of green veg), sleep a full 8 -10 hours/night, and exercise 30 minutes/day. If you can do this, you will be significantly less depressed. Then on the mental side – find a hobby that you can develop yourself more with. It doesn’t have to be anything in particular other than you have a sincere interest in it. Find a group class that you can join, and that will start you in the #social direction. If you become more confident socially, you might be able to find some self satisfaction . If not, then at least you will have more friends, and possibly they might know someone and of course that’s you

Start from now and here you are important don’t de evaluate and exhaust yourself … good luck.

zairakhan

To Acknowledge..

051

 

Both repentance for sin and humility for weakness call us to acknowledge our faults and apologize,but sin requires us to do facing and returning to God while weakness calls for gradual improvement as we learn and grow.In our weakness we cannot do all the things at once.We may need experimentation with different options,practice and improve overtime,build our strengths,actively try even though we don’t always have to succeed,but of-course we have to learn from our errors

Remember we can be weak and still have our heart in the right place with our merciful God.

Zaira Khan

Someone asked

First of all this is very important to know that whether she annoys you or you get annoyed because of her due to many psychological factors like,her beauty,her confidence,her patience?Verbal abuse is a subcategory of emotional or psychological abuse..

Asking this question shows that you feel sensitive and guilty for your such behavior..am I right? actually we are in the era where we are not as committed to our partners as our elders used to be. but it looks like you two are still with each-other and are being affected by this very thing but are not separated..

Don’t you think that our words define us..no one can judge or estimate us unless we are not with words. Though when words are spoken, then half of the action is also taken the place. Actions speaks louder than words though but if our words effect others and ourselves then for sure your actions are half done.

Then its not of any usage how much you love your wife you hate your wife ,you care for your wife or you give damn to her. UNDERSTAND THAT HUMAN PSYCHOLOGY IS VERY COMPLICATED..There are always reasons behind our acts and words.feelings????? habits?? psychological compositions?????? environmental and genetic dispositions ?????

Taking an honest look at your relationship will help you decide if you are behaving like an oppressor—and how to break out of this habit.

Let’s be honest: abusing husbands may seem heroic on the surface, but what’s the real reward for your such act? If you’re noticed, people may…call you a martyr. Is that worth the potential cost of destroying your relationship? More important, is behaving like a martyr worthy of you? If you adopt this style, you may not realize something crucial: You could inadvertently abdicate responsibility for your happiness. When you behave like that, you give your power away, including the power to solve your own problems and to learn new ways of responding to your emotions of anger, fear, depression, shame, guilt, or embarrassment. This can make you feel helpless.

As a psychologist I usually tell my clients that

In the practice of counseling professionals usually see the why’s of such behaviors..

Its important for you to find out that is it something that you need some professional help for or you can really be a smart person to practice self-control strategies..psychologists when don’t see results..usually say…

so????????

usually we don’t want to lose our relationships until and unless the relations going to hell…

Emotional abuse can be more insidious and elusive. In some cases, neither the abuser nor the victim are fully aware it’s happening.t involves a regular pattern of verbal offense, threatening, bullying, and constant criticism, as well as more subtle tactics like intimidation, shaming and manipulation. Emotional abuse is used to control and dominate the other person, and quite often it occurs because the abuser has childhood wounds and insecurities they haven’t dealt with — perhaps as a result of being abused themselves.

They didn’t learn healthy coping mechanisms or how to have positive, healthy relationships. Instead, they feel angry, hurt, fearful and powerless.
Male and female abusers tend to have high rates of personality disorders including borderline personality disorder(BPD), narcissistic personality disorder(NPD), and antisocial personality disorder(ASPD). Although emotional abuse doesn’t always lead to physical abuse, physical abuse is almost always preceded and accompanied by emotional abuse.

The stress of emotional abuse will eventually catch up with you in the form of illness, emotional trauma, depression, or anxiety. You simply can’t allow it to continue, even if it means ending the relationship. A licensed counselor who is trained in abusive relationships can help you navigate the pain and fears of leaving the relationship and work with you to rebuild your self-esteem. It is possible if the abuser deeply desires to change and recognizes his or her abusive patterns and the damage caused by them. However, the learned behaviors and feelings of entitlement and privilege are very difficult to change. The abusers tend to enjoy the power they feel from emotional abuse, and as a result, a very low percentage of abusers can turn themselves around.

Make amends.Accept responsibility and recognize that abuse is a choice.Identify the patterns of controlling behavior you are using.Talk to trusted friends and family or a counselor about what you are going through. Get away as an abusive person as often as possible, and spend time with those who love and support you. This support system will help you feel less alone and isolated while you still contend with yourself.

Develop an exit plan. No one can remain in an emotionally abusive relationship forever. If finances or children or some other valid reason prevents you from leaving now, develop a plan for leaving as soon as possible. Begin saving money, looking for a place to live, or planning for divorce if necessary so you can feel more in control and empowered…but…:(

Emotional abuse is a form of brain-washing that slowly erodes the victim’s sense of self-worth, security, and trust in themselves and others. In many ways, it is more detrimental than physical abuse because it slowly disintegrates one’s sense of self and personal value. It cuts to the core of your essential being, which can create lifelong psychological scars and emotional pain.The sad thing is that your whole life is affected while everything changes in your partner’s.

My advise-let go. Detach yourself from such behaviors.. Even if it means letting go of your high bloated ego. Put yourself first and just let go. Dont try to manipulate your wife. Yet In fact, growing up.. she emotionally abused by you to such an extent that she still bear the marks today. But by looking for the strength within you let go. Good ridden, Dont harden your heart and move on.. Even if it means letting go of your emotional manipulation.whatever the reason they were with. Put yourself first and just let go. Do not manipulate her again in a similar manner.

Don’t let your wife wonder that why why she is so stuck on someone who hates her and verbally abuses her. The effect of verbal aggression is greater than the expression of love.

last thing to say….

zairakhan

 

THEN WHO AM I???????

cana

I am the woman selling shoes and socks.
I am the one
you buried alive in the wall
and thus became guiltless as the breeze is.
You did not know
that bricks and mortars cannot bury voices.
I am the same
whom you buried under lots of customs.
You did not know
that light never fears darkness
I am she
from whose lap you took flowers,
and returned thorns and embers.
You did not know
that fragrances cannot be arrested.
I am she whom you bought and sold
In the name of my modesty.
You did not know
that floating on a clay pitcher even Sohni cannot die..
I am she
whose hand you gave away
to unburden yourself.
You did not know
that a nation cannot be awaken
while its mind is still enslaved.
You traded me for my chastity and modesty
for my fidelity,my precious and motherly love.
But now is the time of the flowers in the lap.
I am selling shoes and socks…But I AM NOT THE HALF CLAD WOMAN ON THE POSTER ANYMORE.
THEN WHO AM I???????
ZAIRA KHAN

Keep growing 

There comes a time when you have to ask yourself some tough questions. If you are not growing and learning every year, if you aren’t doing anything for making yourself morally satisfied and literally happy, if you no longer have the ability to be the change agent you need to be and if there is no prospects for some additional progress in the future, then for sure it is the time to go for two things. One be open for new experiences in life go for them. Two learn about yourself where you are standing right now and try to establish personal evaluation.. (Observing yourself through deep introspection). You will for sure grab distinct qualities in yourself. Try it.. 

Zairakhan