Tag: feelings

To Acknowledge..



Both repentance for sin and humility for weakness call us to acknowledge our faults and apologize,but sin requires us to do facing and returning to God while weakness calls for gradual improvement as we learn and grow.In our weakness we cannot do all the things at once.We may need experimentation with different options,practice and improve overtime,build our strengths,actively try even though we don’t always have to succeed,but of-course we have to learn from our errors

Remember we can be weak and still have our heart in the right place with our merciful God.

Zaira Khan

Someone asked

First of all this is very important to know that whether she annoys you or you get annoyed because of her due to many psychological factors like,her beauty,her confidence,her patience?Verbal abuse is a subcategory of emotional or psychological abuse..

Asking this question shows that you feel sensitive and guilty for your such behavior..am I right? actually we are in the era where we are not as committed to our partners as our elders used to be. but it looks like you two are still with each-other and are being affected by this very thing but are not separated..

Don’t you think that our words define us..no one can judge or estimate us unless we are not with words. Though when words are spoken, then half of the action is also taken the place. Actions speaks louder than words though but if our words effect others and ourselves then for sure your actions are half done.

Then its not of any usage how much you love your wife you hate your wife ,you care for your wife or you give damn to her. UNDERSTAND THAT HUMAN PSYCHOLOGY IS VERY COMPLICATED..There are always reasons behind our acts and words.feelings????? habits?? psychological compositions?????? environmental and genetic dispositions ?????

Taking an honest look at your relationship will help you decide if you are behaving like an oppressor—and how to break out of this habit.

Let’s be honest: abusing husbands may seem heroic on the surface, but what’s the real reward for your such act? If you’re noticed, people may…call you a martyr. Is that worth the potential cost of destroying your relationship? More important, is behaving like a martyr worthy of you? If you adopt this style, you may not realize something crucial: You could inadvertently abdicate responsibility for your happiness. When you behave like that, you give your power away, including the power to solve your own problems and to learn new ways of responding to your emotions of anger, fear, depression, shame, guilt, or embarrassment. This can make you feel helpless.

As a psychologist I usually tell my clients that

In the practice of counseling professionals usually see the why’s of such behaviors..

Its important for you to find out that is it something that you need some professional help for or you can really be a smart person to practice self-control strategies..psychologists when don’t see results..usually say…


usually we don’t want to lose our relationships until and unless the relations going to hell…

Emotional abuse can be more insidious and elusive. In some cases, neither the abuser nor the victim are fully aware it’s happening.t involves a regular pattern of verbal offense, threatening, bullying, and constant criticism, as well as more subtle tactics like intimidation, shaming and manipulation. Emotional abuse is used to control and dominate the other person, and quite often it occurs because the abuser has childhood wounds and insecurities they haven’t dealt with — perhaps as a result of being abused themselves.

They didn’t learn healthy coping mechanisms or how to have positive, healthy relationships. Instead, they feel angry, hurt, fearful and powerless.
Male and female abusers tend to have high rates of personality disorders including borderline personality disorder(BPD), narcissistic personality disorder(NPD), and antisocial personality disorder(ASPD). Although emotional abuse doesn’t always lead to physical abuse, physical abuse is almost always preceded and accompanied by emotional abuse.

The stress of emotional abuse will eventually catch up with you in the form of illness, emotional trauma, depression, or anxiety. You simply can’t allow it to continue, even if it means ending the relationship. A licensed counselor who is trained in abusive relationships can help you navigate the pain and fears of leaving the relationship and work with you to rebuild your self-esteem. It is possible if the abuser deeply desires to change and recognizes his or her abusive patterns and the damage caused by them. However, the learned behaviors and feelings of entitlement and privilege are very difficult to change. The abusers tend to enjoy the power they feel from emotional abuse, and as a result, a very low percentage of abusers can turn themselves around.

Make amends.Accept responsibility and recognize that abuse is a choice.Identify the patterns of controlling behavior you are using.Talk to trusted friends and family or a counselor about what you are going through. Get away as an abusive person as often as possible, and spend time with those who love and support you. This support system will help you feel less alone and isolated while you still contend with yourself.

Develop an exit plan. No one can remain in an emotionally abusive relationship forever. If finances or children or some other valid reason prevents you from leaving now, develop a plan for leaving as soon as possible. Begin saving money, looking for a place to live, or planning for divorce if necessary so you can feel more in control and empowered…but…:(

Emotional abuse is a form of brain-washing that slowly erodes the victim’s sense of self-worth, security, and trust in themselves and others. In many ways, it is more detrimental than physical abuse because it slowly disintegrates one’s sense of self and personal value. It cuts to the core of your essential being, which can create lifelong psychological scars and emotional pain.The sad thing is that your whole life is affected while everything changes in your partner’s.

My advise-let go. Detach yourself from such behaviors.. Even if it means letting go of your high bloated ego. Put yourself first and just let go. Dont try to manipulate your wife. Yet In fact, growing up.. she emotionally abused by you to such an extent that she still bear the marks today. But by looking for the strength within you let go. Good ridden, Dont harden your heart and move on.. Even if it means letting go of your emotional manipulation.whatever the reason they were with. Put yourself first and just let go. Do not manipulate her again in a similar manner.

Don’t let your wife wonder that why why she is so stuck on someone who hates her and verbally abuses her. The effect of verbal aggression is greater than the expression of love.

last thing to say….



THEN WHO AM I???????


I am the woman selling shoes and socks.
I am the one
you buried alive in the wall
and thus became guiltless as the breeze is.
You did not know
that bricks and mortars cannot bury voices.
I am the same
whom you buried under lots of customs.
You did not know
that light never fears darkness
I am she
from whose lap you took flowers,
and returned thorns and embers.
You did not know
that fragrances cannot be arrested.
I am she whom you bought and sold
In the name of my modesty.
You did not know
that floating on a clay pitcher even Sohni cannot die..
I am she
whose hand you gave away
to unburden yourself.
You did not know
that a nation cannot be awaken
while its mind is still enslaved.
You traded me for my chastity and modesty
for my fidelity,my precious and motherly love.
But now is the time of the flowers in the lap.
I am selling shoes and socks…But I AM NOT THE HALF CLAD WOMAN ON THE POSTER ANYMORE.
THEN WHO AM I???????

Keep growing 

There comes a time when you have to ask yourself some tough questions. If you are not growing and learning every year, if you aren’t doing anything for making yourself morally satisfied and literally happy, if you no longer have the ability to be the change agent you need to be and if there is no prospects for some additional progress in the future, then for sure it is the time to go for two things. One be open for new experiences in life go for them. Two learn about yourself where you are standing right now and try to establish personal evaluation.. (Observing yourself through deep introspection). You will for sure grab distinct qualities in yourself. Try it.. 


Just be smart 

Hmmmm… Don’t hide, just be smart 😊

You know there are times where we have to hold back. Like maybe the other person is in a relationship and that’s when you have to be careful because either way you might lose.. Sayings  that are true for some people are not always true for others. and as far is what makes us fall deeper well that also varies from person to person. being a hopeless romantic by nature, I believe that being able to be yourself around the person is key. Also, them being able to be themselves around you is important.

This is one of those statements that on the surface sounds deep, but is actually superficial. It’s like, “if you just keep looking, you’ll find the thing you’re looking for in the last place you look.” Well, of course! Your feelings tend to grow the longer you hide them because as long as you’re hiding them you’re still nursing feelings and nursed feelings tend to grow.

Zaira Khan 


The client is convinced that only when the therapist satisfies his/her needs and cravings the real happiness can be achieved.

The reason why one client develops a positive transference and another  does not has a lot to do with the client’s diagnosis and therefore,  with the types of things they experienced from their earliest life. A  person who may have felt ignored or neglected by their parents may  become someone who has endless cravings that are placed onto the  therapist. In this type of scenario, the client actually believes that  the therapist has the power to gratify these wishes and that such  gratification would be curative. Of course, this is never true.
Transference occurs in all types of psychotherapy. Therapists who use  cognitive behavioral therapy, brief psychotherapy, family therapy and  group therapy, can become the target of transference feelings and  wishes. In the other types of therapy, the therapist does not focus on  transference. In these cases, there is no need to intensity the  therapeutic relationship because that is not the goal of the treatment.  Instead, the focus is on the here and now in the life of the patient and  not on the past.
It is only in psychoanalysis or long term  psychoanalytic therapy that the transference is discussed in detail and  resolved before the patient is ready to leave treatment. One of the  major features of psychoanalytic therapy is that it is very intense.  That intensity is fostered by the fact patient and therapist meet three  or more times per week. When patient and therapist discuss the  transference treatment is further intensified.
The therapist must  be fully aware of the power of the patients transference feelings and  never allow him or herself to be seduced and act upon those feelings.  For one thing, patient transference emotions are not realistic. Instead  of acting, the therapist must provide a safe and secure environment in  which relationship problems can be unraveled, and understood in order  that this person can resume their lives in ways that are healthier and  more fulfilling than previously.
Well this is a complex issue..Zaira Khan 

State of being Idea

The persistent state of being idea has to do with a notion of being whom you are minute-to-minute or even second-to-second. You always feel as you are the same being you were in past times. But, you do know that over time, you’ve changed as a unified personality. I know, I am not the child of 14 years of age when I was hungrily consuming comic books and identifying with Spider-Man. I know I am not insane without any way to test reality and believe that voices in my head are hectoring me to do odd things. But, what I don’t know is who the person thinking inside my head is. What I am saying in plain language is how I identify with myself is a mystery. I can’t get at the thinking machine in my head. It becomes paradoxical the moment I try to know myself. It does, because to examine myself I have to not be myself. I have to get outside myself and examine myself like a third party would. But I can’t do that! We are all stymied this way. We are a conglomerate of experiences and ongoing mental exchanges that span our lifetimes, but never can we capture and define ourselves like an object. Yet, we never feel estranged from ourselves. We never, moment-to-moment feel as if the person in the last seconds was now not the one it is.
Zaira Khan