Tag: insight

Ourselves in action.

Who am I? To answer this, we must first learn to become more aware of ourselves. To be aware, we must STOP and PAY ATTENTION! We need to STOP and objectively watch and experience ourselves in action.

We live most of our lives by habit. These habits keep us stuck in patterns that limit our experience of life. Once we detect a pattern we were previously unconscious of, we can choose differently, if we want. With awareness comes choice and with choice, we gain freedom.

Start building the awareness habit: STOP and PAY ATTENTION. Set an intention to become aware of how you automatically react to different things in your life.

For example, how do you typically react to the alarm clock, traffic, work colleagues and situations, your partner or children? How do you react to anger or fear in someone else? How do you react to your own anger or fear? Become a witness to your own life. Pay attention to how you do things.

Become aware of how your thinking creates your reality. Probe the messages underlying your emotions. Learn to honour your body’s wisdom. Awareness reveals to us a whole new fascinating world.
#zairakhan

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Meaningful connection

We all want to be liked – we all want to be loved! – and none of us want to feel the crushing blow that is rejection, so the temptation is to change yourself in order to fit in, be accepted is strong.
However, changing yourself to fit in can be precisely the thing that keeps you lonely.
Why? Well, no one gets the chance to meet the real you, they’ll get a watered down version – the version of you that you think they want to see.
They’ll never get to discover the unique individual that you are, and therefore won’t be able to make a meaningful connection with you.

And no meaningful connection means loneliness.
zairakhan

Life is a true lesson for self and others.

Life is not always as good as you want it to be. We all have different opinions about life and the lessons we have learned. Sometimes we are constantly conscious of what we are gaining from each new day and sometimes we are totally unaware. For me insight into certain aspects of life is important. Our relationship with our life cannot be always cultivating positive effects on us. But even then we have to take hold of the best ways to make life easier and better. The thing with wisdom, and often with life lessons in general, is that they’re learned in retrospect, long after we needed them. The good news is that other people can benefit from our experiences and the lessons we’ve learned. In my case I am sure about it, honestly.

On beginning our adult journey we feel as though we have to do everything at once. We need to decide everything, plan out our lives, experience everything, get to the top, find true love, figure out what is our purpose of life and we want to do everything at the same time.

Slow down it’s the lesson for me and you —don’t rush into things. Let your life unfold. Wait a bit to see where it takes you, and take time to weigh your options. Enjoy every bite of food, take time to look around you.Allow yourself time to think, to mull a bit. Taking action is critical. Working towards your goals and making plans for the future is commendable and often very useful, but rushing full-speed ahead towards anything is a one-way ticket to burnout and a good way to miss your life as it passes you by.

In this way you will catch the idea that other people cannot give you the validation you seek. That has to come from inside,it took lots of time in my case to understand this crazy stuff. Speak up, stick to your guns, assert yourself when you need to, demand respect, stay true to your values. Then for sure you will be able to get a lot of confidence for yourself. This is how I kept on learning and also kept moving.

We have all of these expectations; predetermined visions of what our “ideal” life will look like, but all too often, that’s not the reality of the life we end up with. Sometimes our dreams fail and sometimes we just change our minds mid-course. Sometimes we have to fail to find the right course and sometimes we just have to try a few things before we find the right direction.

Pretending to be perfect doesn’t make you perfect. It just makes you neurotic to keep up the pretense of manufactured perfection. We have this idea that there is some kind of stigma or shame in admitting our limitations or uncertainly, but we can’t possibly know everything. We all make mistakes and mess up occasionally. We learn as we go, that’s life. Besides—nobody likes a know-it-all. A little vulnerability makes you human. I believe nothing in your life is not guaranteed to be there tomorrow, including those you love.

The life lesson that is vital to be learned, honestly is,”Life can change in an instant. Make sure you appreciate what you have, while you still have it”. Which is the real deep and hard lesson finally I think I have learned in my life.

Zairakhan

Giving up? 

 

Shutting yourself away doesn’t really improve the situation. At best, you will remain in stasis, and not get worse, but not get better. The best strategy I found is to strengthen your physical self. Treat your body as a container for your mental and emotional/spiritual self. If the container is stronger, your mental side will be better able to function as well. So to start – eat clean (no junk food, protein at every meal, and lots of green veg), sleep a full 8 -10 hours/night, and exercise 30 minutes/day. If you can do this, you will be significantly less depressed. Then on the mental side – find a hobby that you can develop yourself more with. It doesn’t have to be anything in particular other than you have a sincere interest in it. Find a group class that you can join, and that will start you in the #social direction. If you become more confident socially, you might be able to find some self satisfaction . If not, then at least you will have more friends, and possibly they might know someone and of course that’s you

Start from now and here you are important don’t de evaluate and exhaust yourself … good luck.

zairakhan

Self love or selfishness 

Sometimes when people hear the word “self-love” they associate it with the word “selfish,” but I’m here today to tell you that self-love is not selfish. Self-love is empowering and inspiring. It’s something we should all do every single day. Loving yourself doesn’t — and shouldn’t — take away from loving others, as being selfish does. Self-love allows you to embrace who you are and, as a result, be come better at loving not only yourself but others.

While self-love can be defined as an excess in self-pride, I prefer to think of it in terms of a feeling of self-respect and self-worth. I believe the more you respect yourself, the more you respect the world around you and the more likely you’ll be to live a positive life, therefore projecting positivity into the world. Of course, there will always be those that argue that self-love is narcissistic and that loving oneself too much is just plain selfish. 

Having respect for yourself leads you to have respect for others. Ever wonder why some people are so mean and judgmental? More often than not it’s because they don’t love themselves and are taking out the way they feel about themselves on others. If you want to live selflessly, loving yourself first is a great place to start because the more you learn to respect and love yourself, the more you will love and respect others, which, ultimately, makes the world a much better place.

Celebrating positive things about you supports a positive attitude about others. The more you value yourself and celebrate the good things about yourself, the more you will want to celebrate the goodness in others. When you are constantly looking down on yourself or focusing on the negative, it can be really difficult to find the positive in the world and in those around you. If you bring yourself up, you’ll be much happier — and more likely to bring others up as well.

Taking care of your happiness first leaves your heart open to caring for others. Putting yourself first might seem like the absolute wrong way to care about other people, but it’s the best step you can take to making sure those around you are at their happiest. Once your happiness is taken care of and you really learn to love yourself, you free up your emotional time and energy to love others and focus on them. Dwelling on self-doubt and self-hate significantly takes away from others so loving yourself is essential if you want to have the energy to care for other people in your life.

Believing in your own abilities allows you to pursue passions that can inspire others. Once you truly start believing in yourself and focusing on your positive qualities, you’ll be able to pursue your passions and spend time doing what you love. When you allow yourself to be who you are and follow your heart, you will be able to share your passion with the world. The more you believe in yourself, the more you will open up and share with others — and what you share just might be the very inspiration someone else needs.  

 Loving yourself makes you a happier, kinder, more positive person. The basic truth is this: if you love yourself, you be happier. When you are happier, you will be nicer and kinder and more open to others. You’ll be more loving and more willing to trust, enjoy, and celebrate other people. You’ll look for the good in yourself and in others and, as a result, you’ll have a better relationship with yourself and with the ones you love.
 
Though some might disagree, I firmly believe that loving yourself is an unselfish act because it leads to a more positive life for you — and the more positive your life is, the more positive you’ll be about the things and people around you. It’s easy to find excuses when it comes to doing something good for yourself. You can think of plenty of reasons why you should be doing something for someone else instead. But don’t let that little nagging voice in your head tell you that self-love isn’t worth it or its unobtainable. It’s possible for every single person to love him/herself, but it’s up to the individual to make it happen. If you aren’t already loving yourself and you have any doubts in your mind as to whether or not loving yourself is selfish, I hope this article has helped you realize that self-love is, in fact, an unselfish act.

Zaira Khan 

Insight into self


First of all you have to understand that what actually is the underlying issue of your personality, which is compelling you to be so possessive for the ones you love.

Only the insight into self helps us to better ourselves. If no knowledge, no awareness and no insight the problems effecting us and our loved ones cannot be solved.

Don’t you think that life already is very complicated, you must have been struggling a lot to do with life right there with you from the depths of the many reasons to love being loved.

Ofcourse you must be, but if you are becoming possessive in relationships then for sure there are some fears and insecurities in your life.

In retrospection find out what makes you afraid and also insecure with what if? Questions. No one has to hide from self. Self knows you. So bother your self to speak out the turbulence creating thoughts.

Once you will be amazed to figure out the hidden aspects of fears and insecurities then for sure you will be able to address them on your own. You know I know everything in this life is just moving a head. Nothing just stops happening. Life goes on and in the same way each moment of life is new and moving. With this realization we all develop empathy and compassion. How does it feel when someone is not letting you to speak to your best friend and you feel awkward to eliminate your best buddy just because someone in relation with you demands so? If you won’t mind then for sure you are not adjusting well with relationships in life. Here are no blames, but are the awareness developing feelings.

After being aware and empathy learner I would suggest you that while it can feel really scary to make yourself vulnerable, it might be a good idea to talk to your partner about what you are feeling. In a relationship, discussing hopes and dreams, as well as fears and insecurities , can be very effective in building intimacy and fostering a strong bond. Imagine how you might feel if you learned your partner was struggling with some fears and insecurities of his/her own. Imagine how you might feel if your partner expressed how much you were loved and valued and compassionately alleviated your fears. It is possible that opening up a conversation about how you are feeling in the relationship might just produce these responses and increase the connectedness between you and your loved one.

Last of all in addition to mastering relational skills, therapy can also offer a safe space for you to take a look at yourself and the health of your relationship. Sometimes when people are feeling possessive in their relationships, it can be an indicator that they lack the confidence and self esteem to believe that they are worthy of the relationship that they are in. If this is the case, therapy can be invaluable in helping you learn to truly love and accept yourself and to know that you don’t have to be with fears guilts rather you could also be loved . Sometimes overprotective and possessive feelings in a relationship can be indicators that the relationship is not a healthy one—maybe your partner has given you real reasons to not believe he/she is trustworthy . As an objective third party, whose sole responsibility is to you and your well-being, a therapist can also offer insight into the health of a relationship.

You can always control your emotions if you want to.

Deep down hidden in the soul of the demanding and possessive person dwells a needy little child, longing for love and appreciation. Under the surface lies deep seated insecurity and fear of loss, especially of relationships. They have difficulty with experiencing self-love and self-acceptance, and the behavior they show is a great example of compensation. So awareness is actually the best solution to change the way you think and feel bad.

First of all you have to understand that what actually is the underlying issue of your personality, which is compelling you to be so possessive for the ones you love.

Only the insight into self helps us to better ourselves. If no knowledge, no awareness and no insight the problems effecting us and our loved ones cannot be solved.

Don’t you think that life already is very complicated, you must have been struggling a lot to do with life right there with you from the depths of the many reasons to love being loved.

Ofcourse you must be, but if you are becoming possessive in relationships then for sure there are some fears and insecurities in your life.

In retrospection find out what makes you afraid and also insecure with what if? Questions. No one has to hide from self. Self knows you. So bother your self to speak out the turbulence creating thoughts.

Once you will be amazed to figure out the hidden aspects of fears and insecurities then for sure you will be able to address them on your own. You know I know everything in this life is just moving a head. Nothing just stops happening. Life goes on and in the same way each moment of life is new and moving. With this realization we all develop empathy and compassion. How does it feel when someone is not letting you to speak to your best friend and you feel awkward to eliminate your best buddy just because someone in relation with you demands so? If you won’t mind then for sure you are not adjusting well with relationships in life. Here are no blames, but are the awareness developing feelings.

After being aware and empathy learner I would suggest you that while it can feel really scary to make yourself vulnerable, it might be a good idea to talk to your partner about what you are feeling. In a relationship, discussing hopes and dreams, as well as fears and insecurities , can be very effective in building intimacy and fostering a strong bond. Imagine how you might feel if you learned your partner was struggling with some fears and insecurities of his/her own. Imagine how you might feel if your partner expressed how much you were loved and valued and compassionately alleviated your fears. It is possible that opening up a conversation about how you are feeling in the relationship might just produce these responses and increase the connectedness between you and your loved one.

Last of all in addition to mastering relational skills, therapy can also offer a safe space for you to take a look at yourself and the health of your relationship. Sometimes when people are feeling possessive in their relationships, it can be an indicator that they lack the confidence and self esteem to believe that they are worthy of the relationship that they are in. If this is the case, therapy can be invaluable in helping you learn to truly love and accept yourself and to know that you don’t have to be with fears guilts rather you could also be loved . Sometimes overprotective and possessive feelings in a relationship can be indicators that the relationship is not a healthy one—maybe your partner has given you real reasons to not believe he/she is trustworthy . As an objective third party, whose sole responsibility is to you and your well-being, a therapist can also offer insight into the health of a relationship.

You can always control your emotions if you want to.

Deep down hidden in the soul of the demanding and possessive person dwells a needy little child, longing for love and appreciation. Under the surface lies deep seated insecurity and fear of loss, especially of relationships. They have difficulty with experiencing self-love and self-acceptance, and the behavior they show is a great example of compensation. So awareness is actually the best solution to change the way you think and feel bad.
Zaira khan

Happiness is the meaning and the purpose of life..Stay happy

I will start writing with a beautiful quote , “We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence then is not an act, but a habit.” (Aristotle)

In the same way “Happiness is the meaning and the purpose of life, the whole aim and end of human existence.” (Aristotle). Why we need or desire to hear the same messages about spirituality and happiness repeatedly. We read books saying the same basic things in different ways with regularity. We seem to need to continue hearing similar messages to get back on track in our quest for serenity and happiness.

Life is a game. When we are able to detach from it, when we realize we are in control, when we realize it is our thoughts and attitudes that create our reality, we are more serene and happy. Eventually, as a result of how busy we are, we get drawn back into the daily game of life. The life game is too tempting. The daily dramas, the ups and downs make life interesting. For whatever reason, the majority of us do not seem to want to completely give up the roller coaster of emotions. Perhaps this is our purpose, or some of the purpose we assign to life. So no big deal,happiness is here and now.

There is always time to inhabit a state of mind. Just calmly, step by step, little by little, work daily at what you love, even if it is just for ten minutes. Do not let go of the kite string to your passions because you think you do not have time. It is the consistent connection to something transcendent that keeps you afloat and calm. always think you can get some time for yourself by yourself,in which you must be trying to figure out that what probably must keep you calm,relax and happy.Your mind is truly yours,but if you know how and where to use.

Calm people succeed because they have backed out enough from the fray to know their own minds and make intelligent choices about living. It may be that they can very well keep pace.Being in a hurry all the time drains your energy. Getting caught up in things beyond your control stresses you out. If you’d like to reduce stress and become calm and cool, make a list of happy moments..just few ones..and then by using the technique of ,The Repetition Enchants…. that advances in cognitive science have radically changed our understanding of just why repetition is so psycho-emotionally tempting,alluring and attractive. Though you cant go in past’s happy moments but we all have good memories stored in our minds.

There are certain character traits each human has, which are part biology (temperament) and part learned as we grow and are taught how to behave in society. There are environmental influences that can lead one to behaving in a way he generally wouldn’t consider himself to be. And then there is the mind, a powerful, but often underutilized mechanism that can change the way one views a situation and thereby affects behavior. As I’ve written previously every moment is an opportunity to take control of your mind and choose whom you will be. Personality Psychology supports this idea. I am saying all this because no one can see humans’ emotions in space,humans are complicated and not one is like other..so some general rules could be applied to specific cases..

First of all have a great belief that you are a human being and its in you nature to find the happiness that can satisfy you and also can be adapting well with your social norms,familial norms,religious norms etc. As a psychologist I believe…

We in our lives get only that which we aim for we have intention and capability of ..like …The next time you find your stress level skyrocketing and ask yourself:

Will this matter to me…

  • Next week?
  • Next month?
  • Next year?
  • In 10 years?

No, it won’t. I bet most of the stuff that stresses you wouldn’t matter the next week (maybe not even the next day). Stop agonizing over things you can’t control, because you’re only hurting yourself.

You’re not perfect and that’s okay. Show me a person who claims to be perfect and I’ll show you a liar. Demanding perfection of yourself (or anybody else) will only stress you out.

Usually I tell about this model to my students and clients…

LIFE OF PLEASURE

A Pleasant life consists of having as much pleasure as you can, as many of the positive emotions, and learning some of the dozen or so techniques that actually work for increasing the duration and intensity of your pleasures. There are shortcuts to the pleasures. You can go shopping; you can watch television; you can take drugs. These things are temporary gratifications, and do not lead to true happiness.”

This is what most people pursue all their lives – ‘trying’ to be happy, by looking outwardly for things, people or sources to satisfy them. I don’t think that indulging in some degree of pleasure in life is a bad thing. However, as with everything, the pleasant life should be lived in moderation, making sure they are not substitutes for real joy. It is important to balance a pleasant life with the other shades of happiness. Do not allow physical, sensoral pleasures to dominate your world.

LIFE OF PASSION

“Also called the Engaged Life, it is being ‘One’ with what you’re doing, being totally wrapped up in your being and doing. You give your all towards this kind of life. You live it Passionately! The engaged life can only be had by first knowing what your highest strengths are, and re-crafting your life to use them at work, in love, in leisure, in friendship etc.”

This type of happiness is when you are completely engaged & ‘lost’ in what’s going on around you. You live in the moment, in the flow, at a peak level, and you feel that you are truly living a full life. Successful people all know how to engage themselves this way – Tiger Woods (golf), Lewis Hamilton (F1),Anthony Robbins (motivational coach) etc. They are highly motivated. They know what they are good at, and how to leverage on their strengths, talents to create a career and life that is lived out passionately.

LIFE OF PURPOSE

“Also called the Meaningful Life, it consists of knowing what your highest strengths and talents are and using them in the SERVICE of something that you believe is bigger than you are.”

When you are living without purpose, or worse, living for just yourself, it is difficult to know true happiness. You feel lost, without direction and purposeless. It is only when you live for others that you find your place in the grand scheme of life. ‘Giving’ your life to others broadens your vision and purpose of life. Your strengths, talents, gifts and experiences are meant to serve the world, to leave your mark and legacy in it. You live your life with a sense of calling and destiny. Think about how you can use them to make the lives of others better. In the process, you’ll make your life better too!

Most of us work for happiness from Pleasure upwards (stage 1). When a much better approach would be to start from Meaning first. Today, let’s find meaning and purpose in whatever we do, for there resides the greatest resource for happiness to live out meaningful lives.

Don’t worry, be Happy!….Glenn Lim LIFE PURPOSE 1 – The 3 Shades of Happiness

Below are a few easy ways which you can often use practice patience every day, increasing your ability to remain calm and cool in the face of stress:

  • The next time you go to the grocery store, get in the longest line.
  • Instead of going through the drive-thru at your bank, go inside.
  • Take a long walk through a secluded park or trail.

Focusing on the end result can quickly become exhausting. Chasing a bold, audacious goal that’s going to require a lot of time and patience? Split it into several mini-goals so you’ll have several causes for celebration. Giving yourself consistent positive feedback will help you grow patience, stay encouraged, and find more joy in the process of achieving your goals.Inspiration is the goal, not rigid rules on being happy.

Thoughtful words from C.S. Lewis, but do they equate to real life happiness? Our self-esteem is a bit of a tricky topic, because researches on self-esteem paints a very inconsistent picture: it seems that high self-esteem is certainly related to happiness, but it can produce other problems with the ego.

For instance, a variety of research suggests that self-esteem that is bound to external success can be a fickle beast — certain students who tied their self-esteem to their grades experienced small boosts when they received an acceptance letter , but harsh drops in self-esteem when they were rejected.Indeed, similar findings were reported for those who base their self-esteem on career success and appearance. Conversely, those who do not tie their self-esteem as strongly to external motivators tend to have less of a “roller coaster” of emotions to the things that happen to them, and are generally more happy as a result.

It seems strange that being very productive would cause one to be happy, but studies suggest that balanced free time is key, as too much boredom can be burdensome — strive for a productive life at a comfortable pace.

Another suggestion is compelling evidence that more friends = happier, because after all, the quality of the people in your life matters the most, just be sure to acknowledge that there are many friends to be made, and maintaining a small circle can go a long way in making you a happy person.

Move Beyond the Small Talk …the extent of small talk was negatively associated with happiness… [and] the extent of substantive talk was positively associated with happiness. So, happy people are socially engaged with others, and this engagement entails matters of substance.

This is confirmed by many studies dealing with SWLS (Satisfied With Life Scale), which shows that regular small pleasures had a bigger impact on happiness than fewer larger ones. Perhaps this is why it’s often so difficult to put off what we want now for what we want later, so beware of the trap here: tough accomplishments that have to be earned oftentimes result in a happier day-to-day

Experiences improve over time for sure makes us happy.. We adapt slowly to experiences. Experiences are social: human beings are social animals, that’s a fact. Did you know that true solitary confinement is often classified as “cruel and usual” punishment due to the detrimental effects

You must have known the marshmallow experiment, a quick summary is that researchers found those children who were able to resist the temptation of eating a marshmallow immediately (vs. waiting for the researchers to come back) did notably better in some major areas of life, leaving some to conclude that delayed gratification is a solid predictor of future success.

The research has shown that there certainly seems to be some sort of connection between delayed gratification and overall life satisfaction. People with self-control seem to be happier with life. Since delayed gratification has consistently been shown to be dependent on the “strategic allocation of attention,” it seems apparent to me that discipline in this regard is really dependent on creating systems to anois the power of self-esteem.

Psychology doesn’t always tell us what we want to hear, so it’s nice when a good deed lines up with a great personal benefit.

I was happy to find this study that show how showing gratitude for someone (or even for what you have) boosted happiness by a noticeable level. The researchers say 25%, but again, we’re debating minutiae, the important thing is that it worked.

Furthermore, putting yourself in someone else’s shoes (and avoiding the pessimistic outlook )

Pick a skill and master it,Suppose, for instance, that you want to change a habitual negative thought (like “I’m not that good with people”) to a positive alternative (like “people really like me when they get to know me”). That kind of change can be accomplished in less than two weeks, simply through five minutes of daily affirmations.

Don’t Let Time Slip Away This one is a bit less scientific, but I’d rate it as one of the most important on this list (the most important one is maintaining strong relationships, than none).

If you’ve seen the study on the Top five regrets on dying, you’ll recall that the number one regret was not being true to one’s own dreams:This was the most common regret of all. When people realize that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honored even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made. Health brings a freedom very few realize, until they no longer have it.

Perhaps the biggest wake-up call here is that these people didn’t mean for this to happen—one day blended into the next, and “someday” passed by, and a call to follow a specific dream went unanswered.

To sum up.. I found a too simple strategies based post..

.I hope you liked the suggestions..

Stay happy…life is for once…

Zaira Khan