Tag: psychology

Along the journey

Somewhere along the journey of our lives, people have learned that other people’s #opinion matters a great deal. And we are only safe if we are watching out for what they think. We are responsible for their thoughts and we are affected deeply by their thoughts about us. Then we carry a great burden of trying to live up to others expectations, fearful we are not doing that very thing, and eager to prove our worth to those closest to us. It’s no fun.
You can be honest with yourself because there is nothing to be ashamed or even embarrassed about. We do what we do because we have learned it, usually when we were young, at a time when all people are influenced by their surroundings and life experiences. It is a common thing to care too much about others’ thoughts of us, and given our past it often makes sense. So don’t be hard on yourself about it for a moment. Just acknowledge that it is there so you can move forward and feel better.
Understand, accept, change, will, can and move on your way..
zairakhan

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Your struggle is not your progress..

We can’t stop yearning and desiring more in life. It’s our once given life.well people label and judge us according to their mentality. I usually say your struggle is not your progress, go ahead, find out what you want and live life according to your own close to nature ways. No need to stop here if we are pleasure seeking people, then God has given us lots of chances to get to the point where you can get the chance for doing more.
People generally take a rosy-glassed approach in perceiving themselves and that people who are more likely to show such self-enhancement in their self-perceptions are on a track for success in multiple domains.
In reality, we can only control so much of what happens in our worlds. But people vary in terms of how much they tend to think they have control—regardless of whether they actually have it. People who think they have a little more control than is actually warranted are at a dramatically reduced risk for depression.Humans don’t live in vacuums. We live in specific social circles. We have others who comprise our primary support group—often our spouse, family, and close friends. People often extend the self-relevant biases. For instance, people tend to over-idealize their partners. In fact, over-idealizing one’s romantic partner is a huge predictor of relationship success and satisfaction. Give others in your life the benefit of the doubt, and put on some rosy glasses when looking at them!
I’ve written about this feeling many times: the sense that nothing that you do really has any effect on the what is happening in your life. I’ve experienced it many times as well…
I believe,
Learned helplessness is associated with depression. It describes that quality of depression where you retreat to you bed and just give up on trying to impact the world. You give up your agency, sense of purpose, and feeling of hope and find yourself deep in a hole. Once you are down that deep, it is hard to dig your way out of it—especially if you don’t even try to dig. So learned helplessness can maintain depression.
And now come to the point of defensive mental mechanisms.
When we don’t want anything, you know what? It’s another form of reaction to blocked sense of self due to underlying issues.
You are a complex person with many interests. And those interests will evolve and change over time. And that is okay.
So the first step to finding your passion when you feel like you have none is to recognize that you are a person of many passions and interests. Some big, some small, and some that change as you change. And the second step to this whole passion mystery is to relax. This is a process that shouldn’t feel stressful, instead it should be something interesting and exciting because there is no one right answer.
Sometimes the voice in your head saying: “there’s nothing out there for you” will slow you down. You’ll get stuck being worried about a lack of progress and could end up back down in the gutter, fearful that nothing is ever going to change.

But that thinking is what got you here in the first place, right?

So instead of listening to those voices, take a moment to show them the door. When you feel like saying: “There’s no passion for me” – instead think: “I have a lot of passions, and I’m enjoying exploring what I want to do .Remember, you don’t know what’s coming next. Life is full of interesting twists and turns, but if we continually pursue things that we enjoy doing whether for a job or hobby, it will make the journey interesting and more fun.

Zairakhan

Primarily numb.

Sometimes we really don’t want to exhaust ourselves with extra burdens of negative or even positive emotions. In some cases it could be like a psychological defense so as to absorb the reality, means any events or something that arouses emotions to occupy your mental absorbing time. Whereas usually people just bottle up their emotions.One scenario that causes people to feel depressed without feeling sad is when depression causes them to feel primarily numb. They don’t feel sad, angry, joyful, or really anything at all. They may feel an amorphous misery, but no specific emotion.

Zairakhan

Empathy …

Brain scientist, Simon Baron-Cohen, has been doing research on brain differences for many years. In his book, The Essential Difference: The Truth About the Male & Female Brain, he states flatly that “The female brain is predominantly hard-wired for empathy. The male brain is predominantly hard-wired for understanding and building systems.” This may seem like a disturbing view since empathy is so important in our pursuit of love and success in life. Men may be equally empathic as women, but express it differently.
Simon Baron-Cohen suggests that, on average, the male brain is not hard-wired for empathy. But that may be the result of equating empathy with tuning into another person’s feeling state. Men may empathize differently than women. Researchers in the empathy field describe two types of empathy. One type is called affective empathy and involves a shared emotional response that women may be better at achieving. The other type is called cognitive empathy and involves being able to see the world through the perspective of the other. Men may be better able to access this type of empathy.

Zairakhan

​The fundamental reasons we continue to love people we don’t trust…

​The fundamental reasons we continue to love people we don’t trust…

You can still  love somebody you don’t trust as you have your own approach in life,BUT it will probably make you examine  even trustworthy actions as suspect.(if you are not with some other kind of psychological problems that are based on emotional problems). I think this makes it difficult for  both people in a relationship –one suspicious sad/angry person and one  who feels wrongly accused.

 Everyone makes mistakes (that is the easy part!)  the harder part is  telling the truth and dealing with it, but when people do this,they get exhausted and take their hands off normally and usually…But even if they continue the relationship then..this is deep shallowness in their own personality. For me its emotional SI..means emotional self injury.The wounds are sometimes very deep.Self esteem totally shatters..and cos you cant take yourself out of that kind of self harm mental situation, you carry on..and falsely tell yourself as a belief that you love the person..but deeply inside you don’t..you just dont want to loose the one you got somehow,thats the only thing that makes you anxious and insecure…

Trust is the foundation of a relationship. The same as faith, hope and  belief. Without these, what type of a relationship does one have? They  can have faith, hope and believe things will get better by gaining the  trust they once had. Trust may take a long time to build but is not  impossible, depending on what caused the mistrust. However, if the  reliance isn’t earned, the one not able to trust is left with a mind in a  cage of doubt and the one not being trusted finds oneself constantly on  guard. The longer in the relationship of trust-less issues, the more  the poison spreads. 

Why would  anyone in his/her logical mind want to have a relationship with someone  he/she does not trust? That premise is totally illogical for rational beings.  The basis of  a respectful and loving relationship is trust. When a relationship is  based upon trust, there is a comfort within that relationship.  There is  a freedom for people to be their unique selves and their most  vulnerable selves. the person knows all that but fixes self into denial,unconsciously he is too logic tight that his illogical thinking seems correct to him..so he wont listen and follow any other neutral person..If there is no awareness regarding your mind and its states,how anyone can protect self… 

When a relationship is based and  built upon trust, each person has each other’s back.  If a relationship  is not based upon trust, the relationship is and will become problematic  in more ways than one.  If one cannot trust a person in a relationship,  what GOOD is the relationship.  If one elects to remain in such a toxic  relationship, sooner or later he/she will be proverbially stabbed in  the back and he knows that but..he actually waits for that to happen..  In other words, the more trusting partner will be left  holding the bag so to speak.

So,to sum up I would say,”Trust forms the very core of a strong relationship. Without trust, it’s  questionable how far a relationship would go. I really don’t think it’s  worth it unless trust is reestablished. Sometimes the heart wants to  believe and wants to make it work, even when you have that underlying  feeling that it’s probably not worth it. The best someone can hope for  is to give the relationship a couple of chances and if still there is no  trust forming, then probably let it go for good.” If there is no trust, a relationship will not thrive. So actually we cant love fully the person we don’t trust..this is our misunderstanding if we think that we still love the untrusted people as before,mistrusting occurred.

zaira khan

Like a shadow 

Depression is like the shadow that haunts us all secretly at some or the other period of time in our lives. It can become much like a vicious cycle if not attended to. There are a few things you could try 

Get yourself a change of place. Shift to a new room/home with more ventilation or a terrace or open balcony. Open air spaces are known to act like ventilator for the mind as much as the body by providing fresh air to breathe. The air we breathe is so important  yet so neglected. It’s really really important  to breathe fresh air. It’s cleansing for the body, as much as the mind.

Get yourself a small plant inside your room. Try placing it near your window. Tend to it every day and take care of by watering regularly. Green plants inside the home are known to be reflectors of positive energy.

Brighten your room. I won’t ask you to paint it afresh but bring in brighter bulbs into your room, an extra lamp would do great, too. Make sure you get ample sunlight inside your room during the day. Bright light would surely lessen the darkening thoughts in your head, too.

The best of all, get yourself a pet(if you can’t afford or manage an expensive pet , get fishes in a large bowl with lots of water for the fishes to swim around). Pets are said to elevate moods and #psychologists have found that homes with pets have lesser cases of depression-suffering members. If you can’t afford either, spend time or give food to the stray ones outside your home. Befriend them. That oughtta do the trick, too!

Snack on fruits. We often neglect the controllable factors to our health(physique and psyche). Fresh foods have high amounts of anti oxidants and fibre. They help in release of happy-hormones endorphins in your body giving you a full-feeling without a hint of sickness!

You could start working out/yoga. The world is celebrating the greatness of Yoga which benefits every single thought to every last cell in your being. I’ve personally benefitted a lot from yoga and that’s why I endorse it so much.

I won’t suggest you to push yourself too hard for anything but just remember this, medication and doctor…all on one side… You are the one and only bridge between them and a better and happier you! Take care.

zairakhan

Still want to crawl under a rock

 I still remember that when I was making myself a practicing psychologist, I was taking up or lets say was ready to take up many challenges to become well known in my profession,as there were tough competitions..Which I am now…. Some years back I had a seminar to present and that was for the psychology students,who were doing masters in clinical psychology and that was a great breakthrough as I was getting chance to address in one of the best institutes of Clinical Psychology. I was fully prepared with my laptop and presentation on endogenous and exogenous factors of migraine in female patients. As I entered the hall took up the dice and mic, started giving brief bio-data of my professional background and major interests of studies. And all of a sudden a young man of armed forces who was studying clinical psychology stood up and asked ARE YOU MARRIED? I without looking at him said I ABSOLUTELY DON’T KNOW?

I still remember I was so embarrassed with my answer that I had to take some deep breaths to focus on the work I was bound to do. but the students clapped for like five minutes. I don’t know why? But I wasn’t married and I could have said so with simple word NO.

Believe me in recalling this first seminar which was appreciated a lot I feel great success but I truly still want to crawl under a rock,that my answer to that invalid and unexpected question was totally nonsense.lol

Well to sum up I want to share this wonderful quotation.